“The fingers must be educated, the thumb is born knowing.” Marc Chagall

After scrutinizing my crystal ball, I predict that in the next decade or so your children’s thumbs will grow significantly. They will become longer and more flexible; they might even supplant the index fingers’ leading role.

What brings me to make this prediction? Keen observation my friends. I have noticed that when texting (or sexting?) teenyboppers use both thumbs to compose a message. They do this with an incredible dexterity that leaves me dumbfounded.

Personally, when it comes to texting, I am ridiculously clumsy. I do believe that I possess average thumbs, but when I touch my iPhone keyboard, it looks gigantic and it will press 2 or 3 keys at once. Not a good thing. So, when I have to text someone, I laboriously type my messages with my right index, one letter at a time, like a pecking hen. Pathetic!
In the future, if somebody tells you that he/she his all thumbs, he will not be complaining, he will be bragging.

But there is a dark side to this story. I am afraid that in a very near future short thumb people might be discriminated against. Just like well-padded people. When applying for a job, you will have to specify the length of your thumbs and if you fall short, this might be held against you.

Girls of marrying age will also start looking for long thumbed individuals, just like Russian girls chasing millionaires. Instead of “sexting”, we might see a lot “thumbing”, perverts emailing pictures of their long thumbs to the girls they want to entice.

And most probably, you won’t be able to use the old thumbs-up signal anymore. This is might be interpreted as sexual harassment and as Hollywood’s elite discovered, this is could be very toxic.

I am all for progress, but I feel a little helpless. How can I grow my thumbs to remain competitive with the young punks? Are there any blue pills on the market that will allow me to keep my thumbs up?
I don’t know, but here is another opportunity for Big Pharma: thumb growing pills.

I am stretching my thumbs daily. Hope that this will help.


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