Freaking out on Facebook

“It’s always better to be the dumper than the dumpee.” Lauren Conrad

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So your girlfriend just broke up with you. Good riddance!
In ancient days (pre-iPhone) you would mope around for weeks, even months before regaining your balance and sanity.

Today, no worries mate.
Instead of crying in your beer you will turn to social media and publicize your newfound availability. You will let everybody know that you are alive and well and ready to party. You are going to show your ex that you are not a pathetic wreck but an attractive individual who won’t have any problem finding another mate.

To make her jealous (yes) you will start by getting fit (diet, jogging and Cuba Libres) and transforming yourself into a sexier, more attractive fellow. Not that you were not pleasant looking before, but you can always do better when the situation demands it. And this situation absolutely demands it!

Then you will flaunt selfies of the new you on Facebook. Especially in company of attractive girls. Pay them to pose with you if you have to. You cannot be penny-pinching in cases like this.

You will also update your status (“not in a relationship anymore”) and make your ex regret ever breaking up with you. Because there is absolutely no doubt that she (who refuses to talk to you) will scrutinize your status on Facebook.
And (to be frank) you will probably also check hers.

It is going to be a contest to see who will first manage to “hook up” (I absolutely hate that expression) with another partner and flaunt a newfound felicity. Psychologically, it is essential to succeed first because you were the dumpee, the loser.

To that effect, you cannot be too choosy about your new relationship. You have to move fast. You left me, so I will show you. I can find somebody better than you… and faster.

But if she succeeds first, there might be a problem. She dumped you and she found a new lover first. She cannot have it all. It would be too unfair.

You might slightly alter the game in your favor by convincing some co-worker to pretend to be your new inamorata. You will ply her with favors to pose with you in different provocative situations. You might even convince her to stand next to you twirling a pair of laced panties… and immediately post the pictures on Facebook.
That will show her!

“If you feel the need to insult your ex or their new lover, you obviously still have feelings for them.”Alexis Rose

Could it be? Damn it to hell!

Alain

 

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