Parlez-vous (réellement) français?

A different language is a different vision of life.Federico Fellini

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 langue au chatMastering a foreign language (especially tricky French) is no small achievement. It is an arduous and frustrating process that can easily take a few years.
And when you finally think that you can ride the alien bull, you are suddenly confronted with a slew of peculiar expressions that leave you totally bewildered.

We are still in the holiday season, so out of compassion, I will try to shed some light on some common French expressions that only make sense to the snail-eating Frogs.

  • Les carottes sont cuites – the carrots are cooked (the jig is up)
  • Poser un lapin – to put down a rabbit (to stand someone up)
  • C’est la fin des haricots – it is the end of the beans (it’s all over)
  • Tomber dans les pommes – to fall in the apples (to faint, to pass out)
  • Raconter des salades – to tell salads (to tell stories, to lie)
  • Avoir les portugaises ensablées – to have sand in the Portuguese oysters (to hear poorly)
  • Donner sa langue au chat – to give one’s tongue to the cat (to give up trying to guess something)
  • Prendre son pied – to grab his own foot (to greatly enjoy, to reach orgasm)
  • Faire les 400 coups – to do the four hundred tricks (to raise hell)
  • Triste comme une femme sans fesses – sad as a woman without buttocks
  • Un coeur d’artichaut – to have an artichoke heart (to be hopelessly romantic)
  • Un mouchodrome – a fly landing strip (a bald person)
  • Elle a de la conversation – she has conversation ( a well endowed woman)

Does it make sense? Mais bien sûr…

Now, never utter a French word unless you are absolutely sure of what it means and how to pronounce it.
For instance, “un bras” is not a brassiere, it is an arm. So, don’t put your “bras” in your mouth.

As a general rule (but not always), when a word ends with a consonant, the last letter is not pronounced.
Be careful, the French are not tolerant and are quick to mock.

Often mispronounced words:

  •  Bon appétit (the last “t” is never not pronounced)
  • Coup de grâce (pronounced “coo de grass” and definitely not coo de grah)
  • Sauvignon blanc (the last “c” is silent)
  • Déjà vu (not  voo)
  • Cul de sac (silent “l” in cul – surprise, the last “c” is pronounced)
  • Double entendre (don’t use this France; it doesn’t mean anything)

Hoping that this little tutorial was helpful.

Bonne année et surtout bonne santé, mectons et gigolettes!

Alain