I just watched a movie about somebody being dumped and it made me reflect on my own storied life.
Don’t deny it. We all have been through this rite of passage, the abrupt transition from bliss to hell.
We have all been dumped or have ditched somebody. It is a fact of life. And better being dumped early than later in a relationship.
Dumping (the disposal of unwanted material in an often hurried way) is usually initiated by one partner. It is seldom mutual.
It is like a post Bar Mitzvah, or maybe like a rehearsal for the future mandatory divorce. It means that after that ritual you have (hopefully) become an adult and ready to play the game again, but in a more cautious and mature way.
A breakup often comes as a surprise to the dumpee.
It can be brutal “Piss off wanker” or mild “it’s not you, it’s me”, but it is always traumatic.
Now thanks to technology, breakups can be expedited with text messages or through Facebook. “You have 6 days to remove your stuff from my place. Have a nice day”. Your 6000 friends will know right away that you are finally available again.
Dumpees never see it coming. It comes out of the blue… like a sudden spring shower tornado.
And the nagging question is always, why?
What did I do? Is it my fault?
Did I drink too much? Did I eat too much? Did I gain weight? Did I fart too much? Was singing “Le Cantique des Cantiques” (the Song of Solomon) during our lovemaking over the top?
You are racking your brain trying to find the answer to this question (and maybe a parade to this blow) but things are usually too far-gone.
Of course, it is always better to be the dumper than the dumpee and some people anticipating a breakup will take the initiative and become the dumper before becoming a dumpee.
It is much less traumatic and much more satisfying.
But even 10, 20 years after the facts, the memory of a breakup still haunts you.
Because the dumper never really tells you the reason for the breakup.
It is probably better that way, but you still would like to know.
There ought to be a formal process for breaking up.
There ought be a form to be filled by both parties explaining clearly what prompted this fateful decision.
“One woman is not enough for me” or “she refused polygamy”, or “he sleeps with a Glock pistol under his pillow and he fondles it more than he fondles me”.
It would be nice to know for future reference and to avoid making the same mistakes again.
So, if you have been dumped, do not despair. It happened to the best of us.
And in your next relationship, dump that bastard/bitch before he/she dumps you.
Famous dumpees:
Josephine de Beauharnais (dumped by Napoleon I)
Lady Di (dumped by prince Charles)
Nicolas Sarkozy (dumped by Cecilia Attias)
Valerie Trierweiler (dumped by Francois Hollande)
Have a pleasantly mellow day.
Uncle Alain
Watch Tina S. the amazing French prodigy: