I have long wanted to shed a few pounds, and with the holidays fast approaching I aspired to look my best on Thanksgiving, Christmas or birthday snapshots. Who doesn’t?
But as you all very well know, losing weight is a tad more difficult than crossing the Red Sea.
Disappointed with previous meager results, I resolved to use magic to reach my goal. Like a sorcerer’s apprentice I decided to experiment with supernatural forces.
By harnessing these forces I managed to slim down my already impressive figure.
How did I manage this feat?
Did I use weird diets, strange potions or dark incantations? No, not at all.
To obtain the desired results, I endeavored to unlock the mysteries of Photoshop and its first cousin, Photoshop Elements.
I struggled for a while, but now with a few strokes of a virtual brush, I can enlarge boobs, shrink asses, slim down rotund people and remove ex-lovers from old pictures.
Due to its complexity, Photoshop is not easy to master, but the results can be impressive.
With Photoshop I can neatly place my own head on top of a young Schwarzenegger’s body or put any woman’s face on Sonia’s (Vergara) curvaceous anatomy.
I can change the color of your clothes, make your skin look as smooth as a baby’s bottom and (for a price) make somebody totally disappear.
Did this newfound power go to my head? Am I going like Vladimir Putin ride a horse bare-chested or wrestle a polar bear?
No. It is not my style. I will remain the humble, cool pétanque player I have always been.
But do not cross me. If you do, I can cut you down to size with a few strokes of my magic wand.
On my photo albums (seen the world over I might add) you could end up with Chris Christie’s body or Jocelyn Wildenstein’s (the Bride of Frankenstein) head.
Shudder!!!
So beware, I now have a nuclear option at my disposal and I am not afraid to use it.
Alain