“It is greed to do all the talking but not want to listen at all.”
Democritus (c. 460 – c. 457 BC)
Generally speaking, life is a commerce. A trading of goods and ideas between people.
But a commerce can only be successful when it benefits both sides. If one of the parties involved feels dissatisfied with the existing contract he will eventually end this relationship.
Upon meeting a friend, good manners dictate that we enquire about his life, his business, his health, etc.
We are willing to listen to his problems, as long as he is also willing to listen to ours.
Those are the unwritten rules of the game.
When somebody doesn’t abide by these rules we tire of him.
We tire of those people who are only willing to talk about themselves without listening and sympathizing with our own difficulties.
We are willing to bear with one’s gallbladder problem if he is willing in turn to listen to our marital problems. It is a trade.
This tacit code of conduct should never be ignored, for doing so will always bring about negative consequences.
Egocentrism is unpleasant and draining.
One gets tired of being unmercifully burdened with somebody else’s problems.
Because of this, we often avoid such people; since most individuals are reluctant to say why they ended the relationship, self-centered people are left wondering why and putting the blame on the other person.
Clinical tests suggest that self-centeredness is often linked to depression.
A mentally healthy individual will patiently listen to your problems; an unhealthy one doesn’t listen and only waits for you to stop talking to babble about himself.
Those who cannot abide by common rules of conversation don’t need a friend. They need a couch… and a shrink. Since you pay him, a shrink will listen without ever interrupting and allow you to talk ad infinitum.
If you are lucky enough to catch yourself droning about your problems, stop and immediately pull on the ripcord of your safety parachute.
While you are floating down to the ground, it will allow the other person to get a word in edgewise and (maybe) preserve your ailing friendship.
If you want to keep a few friends, stop flapping your gums and start listening.
Your friendly (low-cost) shrink.