A little while ago somebody suggested that I watch a show called “Big Love”. Being the obliging chap that I am, I did so.
Big Love turned out to be an unusual marital marathon.
It is an American television show that first aired on HBO, and it features a polygamist Mormon family living in Utah.
In this story, a businessman is wedded to three different women who live in adjacent houses.
There is Wife Number One (the oldest), Wife Number Two and Wife Number Three (the youngest). They call themselves “sisterwives” and form an uneasy alliance that includes nine children.
The husband, under the dual umbrella of religion and duty, shares the bed of a different wife every night. Needless to say that this job requires exceptional mental and physical stamina (and occasional chemical assistance).
Some men might think that is cool, but it appears that polygamy it is not all what it is cracked up to be.
Being married to a single woman is taxing enough, but having to deal with three women at once time strikes me as the pinnacle of lunacy.
The man has to fulfill the emotional, sexual, and financial needs of three different females and this is more than any fellow can handle.
Then there is also the ever-present stress of keeping this cozy arrangement secret for the high-minded neighbors must not know about this unconventional modus vivendi.
This is not a job for Joe Schmo, it is a job for the Man in Tights.
Fellow men, a word of advice if I may.
Don’t be a tightrope walker and don’t bite more than you can chew.
A single woman is more than a match for you.
If the same daily offering easily bores you, don’t get embroiled in any kind of matrimony… and absolutely not in polygamy.
Opt instead for the glamorous role of perennial bachelor (see George Clooney).
This exalted status will keep you in good standing with your neighbors, female admirers and will allow you to spread your benevolence evenly (and without strings) to all of them.
You need to remember that matrimony is not for the faint hearted. According to statistics, more than fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce.
If marry you absolutely must, make it clear from the outset that you need some elbow room.
Instead of a “prenup” suggest separate living quarters or at least a very large apartment that will afford some privacy.
When in need of company, send flowers to your wife and arrange for an amorous encounter.
You have to admit that seeing somebody on a date is more thrilling that seeing somebody in bathrobe and curlers.
So again be wary of matrimony, and if you know what’s good for you never succumb to the siren song of polygamy.