Au Cochonnet Marin

After looking for a particular item on the internet, and being ultimately unable to decide, I came to the unhappy conclusion that we are spoiled for choice. In our society, we have too many items of the same type to choose from and this inhibits us.
It is like going to a 3 stars restaurant and being incapable of choosing a dish for fear of missing something.

Nowadays, when we need to make a purchase, we generally rely on the internet for guidance. That’s where the purchasing savants reside, and their advice is highly sought… These experts really know where the good stuff is, and they will wisely advise us on what to purchase. Unfortunately, these “pros” seldom agree and come to a unanimous decision. They all recommend a different product that nobody else agrees with… I would even settle for a partially approved decision, but I cannot even get that from those people.

Then we seek the opinions of previous buyers hoping for more impartiality, but these people, just like the experts, are seldom unanimous. Some bless and some condemn, but like the French, they never seem to agree with one another.

This almost makes me regret the time when we had a much narrower choice. As Henry Ford used to say about the Model T, “Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants, so long as it is black.”

The redeeming quality of the Internet though, is that it is fast and that merchants seldom haggle about a return. If you don’t like our product, send it back and we will reimburse you. Sometimes you don’t even have to send the product back. But the problem, as previously stated, is that in our society we often have an embarrassment of riches; more options or resources than one knows what to do with.

Recently, I was asked by my wife to buy some milk for a visiting guest. No problemo I thought. When I was young, my mother often sent me to get a quart of milk from the local “laitier.” I would bring our old aluminum pot, ask for a quart of milk and that was it. There were no embarrassing choices… milk was milk, period.

But when I went to the supermarket to get the white stuff, I was unexpectedly faced with too many different choices. Whole milk, low-fat milk, skimmed milk, semi-skimmed milk, organic milk, flavored milk, lactose-free milk, raw milk, goat milk…
Give me a break! I just want some plain moo juice for crying out loud! I finally grabbed some organic milk and ran like a thief in the night. Fortunately, I got it right.

In poor countries, they are not that particular. When it comes to milk, they just solicit the family goat, and everybody is happy. Having the privilege to choose is good, but not to the point of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of alternatives.

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” –Buddy Hackett

Alain

It is said that “The face is the mirror of the mind… “

I tend to believe this, but the past year has been rather difficult for mind or lips readers. With masks concealing most everybody’s faces, it was hard, if not impossible, to pick their brains

But things are starting to look up. With the pandemic showing signs of subsiding, masks are slowly starting to fall off, and you are suddenly allowed to gaze at faces again.

Friends’ faces were familiar, and when the masks came off, you did not expect to see any changes; but sometimes you are in for a surprise. After a stressful year, the person behind the mask has visibly grown older and you are sometimes taken aback by the change. It would be rude to mention it, but it leaves a somewhat sobering impression. People are not supposed to age that fast. The process is meant to be progressive and unnoticeable to the naked eye. And when it happens, (unless you are Jane Fonda), you should not notice it.
Getting older is like politics and religion; you don’t mention it in a polite social gathering.

When the masks come off, you are also surprised to discover the faces of the people that you met during the pandemic. You got accustomed to their eyes but never their mouths, an organ that says a lot about a person. And when they unveil their faces, it finds you non-plussed. You are aware that you know that person, but you are sometimes startled by what you see.

This welcome turn of events is also appreciated by the “hard of hearing” crowd.

 You might not be aware of it but “Approximately 15% of American adults (37.5 million) aged 18 and over report some trouble hearing.”

 Sometimes when you don’t hear well, you try to compensate for this condition by reading lips, but when everybody’s face is concealed, it becomes a little more problematic. In cases like this, you seldom disagree with what you hear, because you have just a faint idea of what is being said.

This is probably what happens in popular political rallies. Somebody is whipping up the crowd inciting them to violence. But not everybody fully understood the speech. So… if the majority around you applauds and shouts, you feel that have to do the same thing.
And that’s how riots start…

In the meantime, bathe in the euphory of rediscovering forgotten friends’ faces… and as Groucho once said:

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

 Alain

Good, fair, or rather shoddy? I will let you judge.
To start with, try to pronounce the following French tongue twister:

Natacha n’attacha pas son chat qui s’échappa. (Natasha did not tie up her cat which escaped.)
Not easy, even for a Frenchman…

Mastering a foreign language (especially French) is no small achievement. It is an arduous and frustrating process that can easily take a few years. And when you finally think that you can ride the French bull, you are suddenly confronted with a slew of peculiar expressions that leave you totally bewildered.

So, out of sheer compassion, I will try to shed some light on some common French expressions that only make sense to the snail-eating crowd.

Les carottes sont cuites – the carrots are cooked (the jig is up)
Poser un lapin – to drop a rabbit (to stand someone up)
C’est la fin des haricots – it is the end of the beans (it’s all over)
Tomber dans les pommes – to drop in the apples (to faint, to pass out)
Raconter des salades – to tell salads (to tell stories, to lie)
Avoir les portugaises ensablées – to have sand in your oysters (to hear poorly)
Donner sa langue au chat – to give one’s tongue to the cat (to give up trying to guess something)
Prendre son pied – to grab your own foot (to greatly enjoy, to reach orgasm)
Faire les 400 coups – to do the four hundred tricks (to raise hell)
Triste comme une femme sans fesses – as sad as a woman without buttocks
Un coeur d’artichaut – to have an artichoke’s heart (to be hopelessly romantic)
Un mouchodrome – a fly landing strip (a bald person)
Elle a de la conversation – she has conversation (she is a well-endowed)

Does it make sense?  Mais bien sûr…

Now, don’t utter a French word unless you are absolutely sure of what it means… and how to pronounce it. For instance, “un bras” is not a brassiere, it is an arm. So, don’t put your “bras” in your mouth.

As a general rule (but not always), when a word ends with a consonant, the last consonant is not pronounced.

Often mispronounced words:

 Bon appétit (the last “t” is never pronounced)
Coup de grâce (pronounced “coo de grass” and definitely not coo de graa)
Sauvignon blanc (the “c” in “blanc” is silent)
Déjà vu (not déjà voo)
Cul de sac (silent “l” in cul – and surprise, the last “c” in “sac” is pronounced)
Double entendre (never use this horrible saying in France if you don’t want to be laughed at; it doesn’t mean anything)

Hoping that this little tutorial was helpful, I wish you “mesdames et messieurs, une excellente journée”.

Alain