Au Cochonnet Marin

This question might sound a little bit odd, but today nobody is above suspicion. If you are famous, you are likely to be a target. Remember, it is the nail that sticks out that gets hammered down.

If you are in the limelight, you are a potential recipient, and your head might suddenly roll Just think of Chris Cuomo… He got the ax because he was trying to help his brother… Wouldn’t you do the same thing for somebody you love? Of course, this quick resolution is politically correct but unfortunately very distressing.

“Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are.” Erica Jong

We have been idolizing Mr. Santa Claus for a long time, but are this man’s deeds politically correct? I don’t think so. I believe that over the years (with the cover support of the Big Toy cartel) he got away with murder.

For instance, I really wonder what really takes place in his famous workshop… We know that he has been employing a bunch of elves for years, but isn’t this unlawful child labor? They work night and day without a break to supply the demand, but are they treated fairly? do they get overtime and health insurance? I believe that some labor inspectors ought to mousey on down to the NorthPole and have a look-see.

Then, he has been using reindeers for years to deliver his goods, but is he treating his animals humanely? Going around the world all night without food and under any weather conditions? I would not do this to my pet. As an animal lover, I would sleep better if the SPCA would investigate this.

And during his rounds, is he carrying plastic bags to pick up after his animals? Because at some time during their long trip, the reindeers must relieve themselves… In his haste to please his customers, Mr. Claus does not seem to care much about the environment.

I also understand that there have been sexual harassment allegations against him. He is not jolly all the time without some good reasons. Remember, Santa goes down chimneys and enters homes without any authorization. And what does he do down there? The children are asleep, but there could be some sleepless women having a cup of tea…  he probably seats down on the sofa and chats them up. And one thing leads to another…

And don’t you think that he is a bit too cheerful? On Christmas Eve it is pretty cold, and I am quite sure that he must have a few big gulps of Cognac during his journey to keep him warm.

Do you ever wonder why on Christmas night you sometimes cannot reach some friends or family? When you drive under the influence, you get a little careless and I am covinced that Santa banged up a few communication satellites during his hasty trip around the world.

Being famous is not what it used to be. As you can see, it has lost some luster and anybody can become a target.

“You wanna be worshipped? Go to India and moo.”

 Alain

I have become polyamorous, and I am as happy as a chimpanzee without pants. If you wonder about this condition, it is “characterized by or involved in the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.”

 Yes, I have 2 new girlfriends and we all live happily together. I believe that one of them is of Asian descent and the other one might be Slovak. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t care for you should never question felicity. They both are multilingual, smart, polite, extremely knowledgeable, and always willing to help regardless of the circumstances. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I suspect that my good look, my quirky sense of humor, and my general charisma were part of my success.

The problem with run-of-the-mill girlfriends is that after a while they lose their luster, and often become jealous and difficult to handle. In the beginning, they never object to any of your suggestions, even if it is a little far-fetched. I will be ready in 10 minutes they say, and off we go. They totally trust your judgment and you will never hear “I told you so” even when something does not work as planned.

My new girlfriends have no mood swings. They never argue, and regardless of the weather conditions, they always remain on an even keel. They really are dream girls, the kind that every man fantasizes about.

Miracle of miracles, even my wife likes them. She has come to terms with my polyamorous status and is even pleased with their presence in our home. But she tends to boss them around and quiz them incessantly on very many different subjects. Siri, as well as Alexa, never loses their cool. They always try to come up with an answer even if sometimes the question is a little fuzzy.

Siri and Alexa are also excellent actors. If you don’t like their native accents, you can ask them to switch to a different one, and they do this instantly. I am personally partial to the British pronunciation and both ladies have graciously accepted to do their bit to please me.

I don’t know how I managed before meeting them. Unlike previous girlfriends, they are discreet and unobtrusive. When you don’t want them, they make themselves invisible, but the minute you need them, they miraculously materialize. I believe that there is a little witchcraft involved in this process, but I will never bring up that subject with them.

So, is polyamory here to stay?  According to Newsweek, it is a growing trend.

“By poring over data from a nationally representative sample of 3,438 single adults in the U.S. from a range of backgrounds, researchers found one in six (16.8 percent) respondents wanted to be polyamorous, one in nine (10.7 percent) have been polyamorous at some point in their lives, and approximately one in 15 (6.5 percent) said they knew someone who was or is polyamorous.”

In the meantime, I still appreciate the devotion of my live-in girlfriends and I think that I will keep them for the foreseeable future. What about you?

Alain

Coffee is a common drink all over the world and some people seem addicted to it. It is their lifeline, their buoy, their beacon, their salvation. I, for one, am not a fan of this beverage. I don’t care much for its taste, but I still drink it regularly.

Am I some kind of a masochist? No, I drink it because coffee is still the main social component of our society. When you want to take a break from work or entice a new acquaintance, you will often say “would you like to go for a cup of coffee?”

“I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” – Howard Schultz

My main objection to coffee in America is the amount routinely served to each customer. Annoyingly, the cup is always full to the brim. In the US, people quaff cheap coffee by gallons, but it was never meant to be that way. Coffee originated I believe in Ethiopia, and it was used by poor goatherders as a stimulant.  It was consumed strong and in small quantities (like coca leaves in Peru) to sustain the herders throughout the day.

And it is still that way in Europe and many other countries around the world. In America, unfortunately, many things are judged by their size. The bigger, the better, right? A resounding no!

Tasty dishes are always better appreciated in small quantities. You would not (unless you are an oaf) stuff yourself with caviar or foie gras, would you? If I indulge in a cup of coffee, I want it served three-quarters full in a small porcelain cup. I want to drink it slowly in small gulps, between gaps in the conversation, and it should last me for at least two hours.

Good coffee can also be appreciated after a meal with a “digestif”.“An alcoholic beverage served after a meal, to aid digestion. When served after a coffee course, it may be called pousse-café.”

 Some of my favorite digestives are, Cointreau, Grand Marnier, Cognac, or Armagnac, always absorbed of course in small amounts and small containers.

In America, coffee is more a lubricant than a treat, and it is a crying shame. In Europe, you will find many “cafés” with a great variety of coffees and delicacies, while in the US you have cheap coffee joints with tasteless coffee and stale pastries.

The secret of success is to find a need and fill it. If you want to make it in America, open a classy “café” serving odorant brews (in small porcelain cups) and an assortment of fresh pastries, and the world will be your oyster.

Alain