The Puny Wars

Watch out! Batten down the hatches! The holidays are coming!
The shopping wars are about to erupt again!
The summer truce will end on Halloween, and the first shots of the new conflict will likely be fired shortly after Sunday, November 3, when Daylight Savings Time ends.

The Holiday Season (or as I call it the “the Puny Wars”) runs from late November to early January, but commercial skirmishes are likely to start in early November.
That’s when we will start being inundated by urgent messages urging us to get off the couch and head for a store. Any store, real or virtual.
The gist of these messages is simple: during the Holiday Season it is un-American to be a miser.

But first of all, what are we really celebrating?
Thanksgiving of course, and Christmas, two Christian holidays.
I almost forgot Hanukkah, a famed Jewish holiday having something to do with an oil shortage (undoubtedly generated by the oil cartel), if I recall.

Thanksgiving is a national American holiday commemorating the Plymouth Feast first celebrated by the Pilgrims and the Puritans in 1621.
It was originally meant to give thanks to God for a good harvest and a lot has been written about it.

But Thanksgiving has a long convoluted history that most Americans ignore (and which I will not bother to explain). For most people it is simply Turkey Day. The day when you absolutely, unreservedly MUST chomp on turkey!
Never mind the Pilgrims and their cockamamie stories!
On Thanksgiving you must go the store and buy that bird or FEAR EXCOMMUNICATION (shudder) from the American economy!

Thanksgiving by the way is gaining worldwide acceptance, and regardless where you live, it is now cool to observe this American holiday.

IMG_0594And then there is Christmas, one of the most celebrated (and most fabricated) Christian holidays.
Christmas marks supposedly the commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, but the exact month and day of his birth are really unknown.
Scholars believe that December 25 may have been chosen by the Catholic Church to correspond with the winter solstice and ancient polytheistic festivals that traditionally occurred at that time.

The Winter Solstice has always been an important event, observed by many people and cultures

It was notorious among the Greeks and Romans alike.
In ancient Rome the winter solstice was celebrated with a festival honoring Bacchus. It was held for a month and ended December 25.
During that period there was a lot of drinking and rather lewd behavior that the nascent Catholic Church didn’t appreciate.

Instead of rocking the boat and depriving its followers from having fun, the Church neatly appropriated the festival and rechristened it.
Stop venerating Bacchus, that drunken old lecher, and adore innocent Baby Jesus instead people were told.
Why not?

One of the greatest sleight of hand in history.

But regardless of their origins, these holidays have been sanitized (scrubbed from most religious connotations) to appeal to a maximum of potential customers.
We don’t care who you are or what you believe… Come and celebrate with us… and incidentally, don’t forget to bring your wallet with you.

I don’t want to be a party-pooper, but at Christmas don’t feel obligated to spend a fortune to buy the affection of neighbors or relatives.
True love cannot be bought, and no amount of money will ever change that.

So, during the Puny Wars, be merry and party hearty but don’t let money be the overriding factor of that temporary insanity known as the Holiday Season.

Alain La Foudre

Cool

A while ago the economy took a big whack on the rump, and many companies rushed to “downsize”. It was trumpeted to the four corners of the kingdom that downsizing was good.

The new credo (but so incredibly un-American) became “smaller is better”. And nobody took it more to heart than the young people of America. They applied this new paradigm to whatever could benefit them, especially their vocabulary.

The English language that had flourished for centuries suddenly became a victim of downsizing. Instead of using a few well-chosen words to define an idea or to respond to an inquiry, American youth downsized their utterings to a few grunts and a handful of clichés.

How was your trip to Tibet Tommy?
Cool.
How did you like the “Ugly Rumors” concert?
It was cool.
How is your girlfriend?
She is super cool.

Why should anybody bother with a rich and elegant prose when a few grunts or words will suffice?
Just memorize about two hundred and fifty words (spelling is optional) and you can be a success in America. That’s probably why “all the tired masses yearning to be free of vocabulary” long to come to America.

The kids in the meantime are reverting to the cave-age way of life where a few grunts and a big stick were the epitome of “savoir vivre”.
This speech-impaired generation is some day going to run the country, and one of these lads will almost certainly become president.

So, mister President, how was your trip to Russia?
It was cool.
What do you think of terrorism?
It’s uncool.
What do you think of space exploration?
It’s super cool.
Thank you for your insight on all of these important issues mister President. A final question, how do you like being president?
It’s awesome!
Thank you mister President.

Wow!  I sleep better now, knowing that our future leader will always say what he means, and mean what he says.

Alain

 

Egocentrism

“It is greed to do all the talking but not want to listen at all.”
Democritus (c. 460 – c. 457 BC)

Generally speaking, life is a commerce. A trading of goods and ideas between people.
But a commerce can only be successful when it benefits both sides. If one of the parties involved feels dissatisfied with the existing contract he will eventually end this relationship.

Upon meeting a friend, good manners dictate that we enquire about his life, his business, his health, etc.
We are willing to listen to his problems, as long as he is also willing to listen to ours.
Those are the unwritten rules of the game.

When somebody doesn’t abide by these rules we tire of him.
We tire of those people who are only willing to talk about themselves without listening and sympathizing with our own difficulties.
We are willing to bear with one’s gallbladder problem if he is willing in turn to listen to our marital problems. It is a trade.
This tacit code of conduct should never be ignored, for doing so will always bring about negative consequences.

Egocentrism is unpleasant and draining.
One gets tired of being unmercifully burdened with somebody else’s problems.
Because of this, we often avoid such people; since most individuals are reluctant to say why they ended the relationship, self-centered people are left wondering why and putting the blame on the other person.

Shrink's couchClinical tests suggest that self-centeredness is often linked to depression.
A mentally healthy individual will patiently listen to your problems; an unhealthy one doesn’t listen and only waits for you to stop talking to babble about himself.

Those who cannot abide by common rules of conversation don’t need a friend. They need a couch… and a shrink. Since you pay him, a shrink will listen without ever interrupting and allow you to talk ad infinitum.

If you are lucky enough to catch yourself droning about your problems, stop and immediately pull on the ripcord of your safety parachute.
While you are floating down to the ground, it will allow the other person to get a word in edgewise and (maybe) preserve your ailing friendship.

If you want to keep a few friends, stop flapping your gums and start listening.

Your friendly (low-cost) shrink.