Genuflection

On television, in an image carefully cultivated by the diamond industry, a man is shown genuflecting in front of a woman and begging her to marry him.
The bribe, to sway the doe-eyed lass, is always a diamond.

I don’t care for that image. Not at all.
I don’t care for it because it is fundamentally flawed.

First of all, bending one knee to the ground has been from time immemorial a gesture of allegiance to somebody higher in rank or status.
The Apple dictionary clearly defines allegiance as “a commitment of a subordinate to a superior”.

So, this knee-bending bit indicates right off the bat that the man acknowledges the woman’s dominance and agrees implicitly to let her run the show for the next foreseeable future.
Not smart!

Begging-on-TwitterSecondly, there should not be any begging! Begging is for dogs. And anyway, there will be plenty of time for that later.

Then, instead of a genuflection I would favor sealing a deal with a handshake.
The handshake has long been considered a gesture of peace, demonstrating that the extended hand holds no weapon. You need this kind of reassurance at the beginning of this war and peace saga.

Next there is the matter of the rock itself.
Why should the man (only the man) be required to present the woman with an expensive present?
Shouldn’t the man also be entitled to receive something in exchange?
A motorcycle maybe, or a fishing rod?

Personally, I would feel more inclined to reward somebody with some trinket after a few years of good and loyal services. Not before.
It doesn’t make sense. You don’t give a bonus to an associate when he is just starting.

And what if the bride-to-be grabs the rock and thumbs her nose at you?
It has happened more times than you think.

So, I highly disapprove of this genuflection farce and diamond-bribing charade.
I would like to see this diamond peddlers’ gimmick discarded and instead of precious stones, I would like the groom and bride exchange olive branches (historically worn by brides and -endangered species- virgins).

The olive branch is a symbol of peace and harmony and is more meaningful than a vulgar kneeling trick and a cold piece of rock.

Sorry De Beers!
Diamonds are not a guy’s best friends!

Alain

“Wait” is a four-letter word!

I absolutely loathe that word!
It sounds the same to me as its close four-letter relative “fuck”.

IMG_2802_edited-2“Wait”, in plain English means “we are not ready for you”.
And why may I ask? Why can’t you take care of me right away? Whose fault is it?

If you are not ready, it is because you didn’t plan well… or because you need more help.
If that is the case, you should hire somebody else…
No? Why not? Is it going to squeeze your profit margin? Is it going to affect your retirement plan?
Perish the thought!

“Wait” is detestable no matter when, where or why.
And it is definitely not a word that you want to hear when you are hauled to Emergency; but more often than not it is what you will be told.

It is surprisingly easy for a comfortably seated person to say that ugly word to somebody writhing in pain.
The clerk is used to suffering, in others.
All the people at the reception desk by the way, are chosen for their thick skin and very few things will trouble them.

Keep in mind that whenever we are told to wait, we are also paying for the privilege of waiting. If the service was “free” (another four-letter word) we wouldn’t mind that much. But most of the time we are paying good money for the pleasure of waiting…

“Your call is important to us…”
Everybody has heard that little ditty and very few people take it well, especially when you have heard it ad nauseam for the last 20 minutes.

If I could relive my life, I would like to do it in world devoid of “wait”.
I would have fewer wrinkles and would look and feel much better than I actually do.

To paraphrase comedian Steven Wright, I might try to take a course in speed waiting so that I can wait one hour in only ten minutes.

If you like me just a little, don’t aggravate my condition; please don’t use four-letter words in my presence.

Alain

Spice it up!

For discriminate palates, food is not just for sustenance; it has to be a pleasurable experience.
And to be enjoyable, food has to be flavorful.

More often than you imagine, it is not. Especially in restaurants.
There is nothing more galling to me than paying good money for bland, or poorly seasoned food.

It seems that many restaurants (probably afraid to offend some wimpy customers) are holding back on seasoning.
It is a mistake.
It is not up to the customer to dictate how the food should taste, it is up to the chef.
A chef’s cooking is his signature, and if you don’t like it, don’t patronize his establishment.

Nobody (discerning people) likes bland food.
Some dishes, especially seafood, need to be seasoned to make them flavorful and various spices and herbs should be used to enhance the character of fish, mussels, prawns and other marine delicacies.

Eva_herzigova_wonderbra_1994Spices are the Wonderbras of food. Their purpose is to uplift and enhance the goods. Without them, everything feels flat.

In many restaurants, numerous dishes are not properly flavored. They are too sweet, too salty, too spicy.
Unfortunately, the journeymen operating in the kitchen seldom take the time to taste what they are preparing.
They might call themselves “cooks” but they are nothing but lowly “food preparation workers” whose main job is to expedite whatever the customer ordered.
This is wrong! Any food preparer worth his salt should taste his concoction.
When I eat “escargots” for instance, I want to taste the garlic or I want my money back!

Once in a while, when the mood strikes, I don my cooking apron and embark on a culinary adventure.
It might be a single dish, but it has to be tasty. And my best tasting utensil is my finger.

I know that there are some squeamish souls out there who would faint at the thought of seeing my finger occasionally dipping into a sauce, but I know that Julia Child or Jacques Pepin (a true professional) would not disavow me for that.

My philosophy is that guests should never be privy to what happens in the kitchen.
If they like the food, they are never going to question the chef’s cooking methods. If they don’t like it, they should!

To sum it up, when preparing a dish, don’t go mechanically through the process. Taste it for crying out loud. Often!

Alain