Au Cochonnet Marin

I have often been amazed (and disturbed I must say) by the amount of noise generated by a brood of cackling women.

I don’t know if it is only me, but it seems that the “weaker sex” grows stronger (and louder) when assembling with their sorority sisters.
We once came across such group in a restaurant, and they were so noisy that I mentioned it to my wife.
Those must be single women, my wife remarked.
Why, did I ask?
After they marry they don’t laugh anymore.

Is that so? Interesting remark… but not necessarily true.

I have seen and heard women of different ages and social statuses generate as much noise as a pack of rowdy teenagers.
What prompts these (normally demure?) women to behave like frat boys on Spring Break?
Is it the exhilaration generated by the absence of a male figure?
Or the sense of entitlement brought to the fore by the “bra burning” movement?
Is it some kind of exhibitionistic display?

Je ne sais pas… but I would like to know.

Men are naturally loud (and obnoxious) but why would ladies behave like drunken sailors when in a group?
And what could be done to tone down those noisy gatherings?

When dealing with “the gentler sex” you have to be extremely careful because as the Bard said:
“Hell hath no fury like an angered woman”

But, would garlic and a crucifix help?
Should Animal Control be summoned?
Could Mace be used?

I understand that there are more pressing problems than this kind of environmental pollution, but a remedy for this type of nuisance would be welcome and would sell extremely well.

Alain La Foudre

 

Yeah, I confess… like a pimple-faced nerd I got the latest iPhone… but before you start jeering, hear me out.

Two weeks ago I dropped my older iPhone4 to the ground.
After I picked it up everything seemed to work properly but I soon realized that something was amiss.
When somebody called me I could hear the ringtone and I could faintly hear the voice of the person calling me, but he/she couldn’t hear me. Bummer!
After a few unsuccessful problem-solving attempts I went to Apple and asked the Geniuses if they could bring back my device to life.

They tested my phone and they said that they couldn’t fix it.
They gave me two options: replace my baby with a similar model (at a cost of $150.00) or get a newer iPhone5 (not the S model) for $200.00.
It was a no-brainer; I went for the iPhone5.

I was aware that the iPhone5/S was coming, but nobody knew how much it would cost.
The experts expected it to be priced around $400.00.
I thought that this was a little bit too pricey, and I decided to buy the iPhone5 for $200.00 (and a renewed commitment to stay with ATT for another 2 years).

Two weeks after I purchased that phone, Apple introduced their much-touted new device and low and behold, it was priced at $200.00, well below the expected price.
I rushed back to Apple and asked them if I could exchange my newly purchased phone for their latest model.
OK they said, but you must do it within a 30-day window of your original purchase date.

So it is why last Friday afternoon I trekked to the Corte Madera Apple store to exchange my newly purchased phone for their latest wonder.

When I arrived, there was a line all right, but it was not excessive. Maybe 30 feet long. And it moved fairly fast. One more time I credit Apple for its organization.
They were plenty of blue-shirted, bluetoothed Apple surrogates, and they did an excellent job of controlling the queue and keeping people abreast of what was happening inside the temple.
What model do you want, what color, and what is your carrier they wanted to know.
And they would tell you right away if what you wanted was currently available.
Me? I just wanted a 16GB iPhone5/ S. I didn’t care about the color.
We have it said one of the Apple minions.
Allright!

I waited about 20 minutes before being allowed into the Temple.
Apple wisely controlled the flow of people and authorized only 2 or 3 individuals at a time to enter its store.
When my turn came, a young man took me under his wing and after a few paperless formalities he presented me with a new shiny phone.
He backed up my old phone and after about 20 minutes my new iPhone5 was in my pocket, ready for action.

I am not ashamed to say that I was extremely excited. When I left the store, it felt like a Christmas morning, when kids are allowed to play with their new toys.

The iPhone5/S is a little marvel able to do unimaginable things. The list is too long to mention them all, but take my word for it, this phone is more intelligent and knowledgeable than the average citizen.

Siri for instance allows you to enter a variety of voice commands/questions, and understand what you say. She (it?) even talks back.
When I asked: Siri, do you love me?
Siri answered:
Let’s just say… that you have my utmost admiration.

Whoa… I wish that my wife could say that!

Alain La Foudre

 

A few days ago I played pétanque with Henry Wessel and this guy is really starting to get on my nerves.
When you are a pétanque “rookie” you are supposed to play like a rookie.
When shooting for instance, out of sheer respect for your elders, you ought to miss at least two out of every three shots.
But this guy doesn’t play by the rules! He shoots to kill and he is ruthlessly accurate.
No “boule” is safe from this maniac! This has got to stop!

Henry started playing about a year ago, and in a very short time he has blossomed into a very talented player.
He can now point like René (his Zen master) and shoot like Antoine (his Godfather).
But I suspect foul play.

Lately, Henry has made numerous trips to the East Coast, even to Europe, and I speculate that under the cover of business, he is secretly seeking help from pétanque pros.
This is not fair!
When you are a plebe, you are not supposed to do well within a single year.
You are supposed to throw lousy shots and get tutored by older Mustache Petes.

Regardless of their ability, Young Turks are required to show respect to their elders by words and deeds. And losing to them is a sign of respect!
Kissing the hand of their elders is the way it is done in the old country and traditions ought to be preserved.

Don Fulmini: Enrico, Enrico. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you’d come to me in friendship, then this scum that wounded your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.

Enrico: Be my friend. Godfather.

Don Fulmini: Good. Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do a service for me.

Enrico: Si, Padrino!

Don Fulmini: Bene, bene… Then, from now on, you will lose two games out of three when you play against me.

Enrico: Si Padrino. Mille grazie.

Don Fulmini: And you will be amazed by how many games you will win playing against better players… Don’t thank me now… the day might come when I’ll call upon you to do a little favor for me.
Watch your steps Enrico… and don’t tell anybody we had this little conversation!

Alain la Foudre