Facebook revisited

I originally joined Facebook to see what the fuss was all about.
Three months later I am ready to dump that sect (that’s what it is, isn’t it?) and ditch all my “instant friends”.

I really don’t see what Facebook is good for. And why do they want to know everything about me? I insist on the Fifth Amendment.

It seems to me that Facebook is nothing more than a pervasive Bragging Forum.
Who cares if you trekked to Afghanistan or Tanzania?
Who cares if you crossed the Channel on a paddleboat?
Who cares if you are a devoted Muslim, an orthodox Jew, or a confirmed Socialist?
Keep it to yourself. I don’t want to know!

speakerI don’t want to hear about your political or religious views. I don’t want to know whose birthday it is. I don’t want to look at selfies or baby photographs.

If somebody cares enough about ME, he/she will take the time to send the pertinent stuff directly to me and not post it on the Internet!

Personally, I’d rather have 3 close friends than100 ersatz chums.
And I don’t want to share my most intimate thoughts or moments with the rest of the world.

The French have a time-honored saying that goes:

“Pour vivre heureux, vivons cachés.”
To live happily, live discreetly.

When living discreetly, you won’t generate envy and jealousy.
All the stupid wars taking place in the world everywhere are not about ideology. They are about jealousy and resentment.

The rabble-rousers want power and money, and the quickest way to achieve this is through the barrel of a gun.
Anything achieved through violence will lead to tyranny. And tyranny will lead in turn to another revolution.
It is a vicious and never-ending cycle.

Again, if you want to live happily, live discreetly and keep what’s personal, private.

If I won at the lottery, do you think I would share this bit of news with my 10 000 friends?
I wouldn’t even tell my wife!

That’s why I am forsaking Facebook. I don’t want to share anything!

I am not signing divorce papers right away, but I will keep my distance from that Scientology-like organization.
And I don’t care if they shun me. I have enough true friends (3 ½) and a pet spider to keep me happy.

If you truly want to be my friend, start by being kind to animals, and then we will talk.

Former Facebook Party member.

Alain

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” Euripides

PS: My wife is asking for a divorce.

 

The taming of the mew*

A few days ago, while reading my weekly edition of The Economist, I came across a delicious sounding word: “bratophobia”.
I stopped like a pointer dog and wagged my tail to express my delight.

Bratophobia is of course the clever juxtaposition of “brat” (a badly behaved child) and “phobia” (a fear or aversion to something).
The word cannot be found (yet) in a dictionary but it should, and I hope that it soon will.

I wholly empathize with this expression because I am a confirmed “bratophobe”.
This does not mean that I hate kids; au contraire mon frère!
I simply dislike ill-behaved children. My worse nightmare is being stuck anywhere in the immediate vicinity of an out-of-control mini-hooligan.

I don’t blame the little whippersnappers directly. They are the product of their environment.
Indifferent, overindulgent parents are responsible for producing such hellions.

I firmly believe that the brats of today are the bullies of tomorrow.
They are like pit bull pups. If not carefully monitored and controlled, they can become aggressively unpleasant, even dangerous.

Children above all need socialization, a process by which they learn how to behave responsibly in a polite society. And this process is the parents’ responsibility.
Without boundaries the kids are very likely to end up on the wrong side of the law.

Bratophobia is spreading, and some institutions are scrambling to cash in.
Restaurants, pubs, and various businesses are jumping on the bandwagon and establishing small oases of peace known as BFZ’s (brat-free zones) where weary customers can take refuge from the rowdy hordes.

According to the Economist, Malaysian Airlines is already banning kids from their first class sections.
They are only allowed in economy class… the only section that I can afford.

Drat! Crap! Brats!

Alain

*the high-pitched crying noise made by a cat or bird

Plaisirs oubliés (forgotten pleasures)

When I was a young lad, one of my most thrilling discoveries was the soft-boiled egg.
Later on, I came to appreciate more complex dishes but for sheer satisfaction nothing ever eclipsed “un oeuf à la coque”, a perfectly timed soft-boiled egg.

It is a very simple yet sophisticated fare that can be prepared in minutes, but few people are skillful enough to cook this item properly.
Restaurants are utterly incapable of preparing such delicacy.
In spite of my repeated admonitions, kitchen jocks proved totally unable to turn out decent “over-easy” eggs, let alone “oeufs à la coque”.

soft boiled eggs 050The perfect soft-boiled egg should have a firm white, a warm runny yolk and should be savored with “mouillettes” (thin fingers of bread that are delicately dipped into the warm yolk). To be properly savored, it should also be eaten in a “coquetier“.

Ultra-suave James Bond (MBE), when not bashing heads or making love to beautiful women, was known to be fond of SBE (soft-boiled eggs).
Shaken not stirred.

Before being able to produce the perfect soft-boiled egg, I fumbled with various methods, without ever being completely satisfied with the results.
The yolk was always undercooked or overcooked.

But one day a came across a set of instructions that changed my life.

And I owe it all to Jennifer Farley*.
It is on her blog (Savory Simple) that I discovered her foolproof recipe.

Since that fateful day, and after successfully producing a series of perfect “oeufs à la coque”, I stopped drinking and beating my wife.
I am now a new man and a better pétanque player.

Here is Jennifer’s simple but extremely effective recipe:

  1. Add ½ inch of water to a saucepan and bring the water to a boil on medium-high heat.
  2. Take the eggs directly from the refrigerator. Use tongs to VERY gently lay the eggs in the bottom of the pan.
  3. Cover and allow the eggs to steam for 6½ minutes.
  4. Run cold water into the pan for 30 seconds. Peel and serve.

Bon appétit you all, and check out Jennifer’s blog!

Alain

*Jennifer graduated from L’Académie de Cuisine in December 2010 and has been cooking and baking professionally ever since. Her blog, Savory Simple, began as a journey through culinary school and has evolved into a home for her recipe creations and food photography.