Au Cochonnet Marin

Jean-Claude Etallaz, a well-known member of our community suddenly disappeared a few months ago, and some crazy rumors started flying about his whereabouts.

According to some sources, Jean-Claude had enlisted in the Ukrainian army and was fighting in Bakhmut. Some other individuals mentioned to me that he was seeking enlightenment in an Indian ashram. A few more even hinted that Jean-Claude was hiding from the Mob in Punta Cana…

Today, I want to debunk all these crazy rumors by letting you know that our man is well and alive (although minus 30 lbs.) and resting somewhere in Napa Valley.

Jean-Claude’s saga is hard to believe but is nevertheless true. Almost a year ago, he started to experience intense itching on his entire body. He went through numerous tests, and MRIs without ever being told precisely what the source of his problem was.

“Physicians do a lot for a patient when they give his disease a name.”

It is difficult to believe that in the 21^st century, doctors would be incapable to determine the cause of one’s suffering. Finally, desperate for a cure, he started to do some research on the Internet and was able to put the doctors on the right track. They started a new treatment and Jean-Claude is now feeling (and looking) much better. He is pain-free and walks around the facility when he gets a little restless.

He is sharing a room with an old dude who is stone-deaf and likes to watch old black-and-white series like The Honeymooners or the Andy Griffiths Show. Nothing wrong with this, except that due to his hearing decrepitude, the old guy is blasting the show several decibels above the danger zone. A rather difficult roommate…

But the good news is that our man in Napa is going to go home in about a week and will continue his life-saving treatment in the serenity of his home.

I always believed, and I am hoping that visiting a friend who is ailing is a morale booster that helps to heal someone faster.

In any case, Jean-Claude is feeling better, and we all hope to see him soon where he naturally belongs, on our playing field.

Alain

I recently saw Henry Kissinger on television. He is 100 years old and looks like it. He seems to be the perfect embodiment of an Old Fart; seemingly unable to move and enunciate properly. But he is still coherent and can still argue convincingly.

What precisely qualifies anybody as an “old fart”? An old fart, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is a “contemptible or tiresome person, especially one who is old-fashioned, stuffy, or close-minded.” I am older granted, and I don’t prance like a young goat anymore, but I don’t think that I qualify (yet) as an OF.

I am open-minded and do not harbor old-fashioned ideas. As a matter of fact, I don’t think that Supreme Court Justices are infallible semi-gods. They should be impartial and incorruptible… but obviously, they are not. They are imperfect human beings (many are indeed old farts) subject to the laws of the land. They should be unbiased and honest… or quit without any feeble excuse when caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Lately, as you can see, I have been wondering about old farts, because it seems that I might reluctantly be turning into one. Yes, there is the age factor, but in my defense, I would at worse consider myself a “progressive old fart”.

Despite advancing age, you should not be classified as an OF if you keep your sense of humor and can laugh at yourself (and mostly at everybody else). Because the world is full of unpleasant old farts, still trying to convince you that they are not prejudiced (Roe versus Wade) close-minded extremists.

So, what do you do with real old farts?

“Just let them sit in the goddam sun. But the world won’t let them because there’s nothing more dangerous than letting old farts sit in the sun. They might be thinking. Same thing with kids. Keep ’em busy or they might start thinking.”— Frank McCourt

 Alain

Today in America, there is practically no single day going by, without hearing about another bloodshed. According to the statistics, we now have more mass shootings than days in the year. Yes, I have bitched about this subject many times before, and I will do it again until something significant is done about gun violence.

This is the elephant in the room, which everybody studiously ignores despite its loud trumpeting. Especially the Right, always so full of piety and patriotism.

We are now facing another type of pandemic, where instead of wearing facemasks, we will soon have to wear helmets and bulletproof vests before venturing to any public area.

According to the BBC, “The US ratio of 120.5 firearms per 100 residents, up from 88 per 100 in 2011, far surpasses that of other countries around the world.”

In many ways, we seem like Russian citizens, afraid to say anything derogatory about the carnage in Ukraine. But unlike Russia, instead of being thrown in the slammer, we might get shot if we do.

New Zealand showed the way how the gun problem could be solved. After the March 15, 2019, mass shooting in Christchurch, the government swiftly passed a series of reforms.

According to the International Bar Association

“The reforms included a ban on all assault rifles, military-style semi-automatic guns, high-capacity magazines, and parts that can be used to build military style-semi automatic weapons.”

The only reforms we seem to do in America, are laws preventing women to get abortions or birth control medications. I am afraid that “the land of the brave and the home of the free” has become the laughingstock of the world.

Our timorous lawmakers are afraid to lose their precious “gagne pain” if they dare to bring this subject to the table. It seems that the only way they will finally tackle this endemic bloodshed will be when one of them becomes a casualty.

Today, make no mistake, nobody is safe. You never know when a deranged or vindictive individual is going to strike. Is that a way to live?

Pressure your elected official to shorten their exotic vacations (hello Clarence) and get to work to pass life-saving reforms!

Alain