Au Cochonnet Marin

As a New Year resolution, many women made the commitment to acquire “buns of steel”. For buns are in, and boobs are out… Not really, but buns are definitely what’s happening.

Life is a rat race. Everybody knows that, or ought to know it.
In order to separate yourself from the pack, you need to showcase your assets. If you don’t have any outstanding talent or a plethora of prestigious diplomas, it might be a good strategy to flaunt your exterior signs of sexiness.

Women celebrities do this by revealing a lot of cleavage (and side cleavage) and subtly (not really) showcasing their rear end.
Booties now reign supreme. They come in all shapes and sizes but no matter what they look like it is probably a woman’s most potent weapon. These assets are even ranked on the Internet and butt selfies are popping up all over the web.

Following this relatively new trend many women are now wearing yoga pants. This tight hugging garment can do wonders for ordinary looking women. It emphasizes a part of their anatomy that is often more eloquent than their face.

“It is very disappointing to follow a woman in the street, fascinated by her gait, approach her and discover that her face is much less expressive than her ass.” Jacques Sternberg

 By parading their caboose women tease us. It is a strategy called “attacking from the rear” and as many generals would tell you, it is a surprisingly effective tactic.

And buns are now big business. You have butt lifts, butt implants, gym classes, yoga classes, yoga garments, butt lifter garments, etc.
There is really gold in them buns!

But like miniskirts, yoga pants can be fickle friends. They can look great on one person and risible on another.
Few women though can resist the idea that the cloth makes the man (or woman). If you wear yoga pants you feel like winner. And for those who might snicker,

“My ass contemplates those who talk behind my back.”

Happy New Year everybody and may the Good Fairy brings buns of steel for everyone.

Alain

“If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.”

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Is it humanly possible to like any type of food? Apparently so. Somebody close to me does.
I don’t understand this.

Nature gave us taste buds to distinguish between tasty and distasteful food. We need to use those buds and mercilessly reject any bit of unsavory food.
But some people (forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing) cannot help themselves; they will ingest absolutely anything dead or alive, regardless of its color, shape or smell.

Babies can also be fooled into eating anything. What do they know? As long as you spoon-feed them they will happily chomp on whatever you push into them. I know one of those kids! This little guy is an eating-machine. Nothing scares him. He will probably become a tightrope walker or a hot dog eating champion.

Personally I am a little somewhat picky. I particularly hate cooked cabbage and all its relatives. Like a Sicilian vendetta it will only end when one of us gets whacked off.

Then there is the pork stuff.
I generally agree with the saying “dans le cochon tout est bon” (in a pig, everything is good) but there are limits. I love “cochonnaille” but don’t ever mention pig’s feet or “tripes” to me.
Entrails and internal organs absolutely turn me off. You could not pay me enough to eat it. It has been exorcised and totally banished from my table.

And I am not a big fan of vegetables either; dead vegetables that is.
Generally acceptable when raw (like onions for instance) they become “personae non gratae” after having spent too much time lounging in a sauna pot. There is nothing worse than a limp vegetable.

“An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” Will Rogers

And there is a list of so-called “edibles” too long to mention that will never cross my lips.

Some of my best friends are fruits, except of course cucurbits (melon, pumpkin, squash, etc.). Those are false friends, pretending to love you but secretly despising you. They are just like the Washington “swamp creatures” of yesterday and newly restocked creatures of today.

When I don a cooking apron, I like to use wine or brandy. These elixirs can resurrect any flat lining dish in a jiffy. If anything tastes dull, bring out the liquid artillery. A few shots of brandy can reanimate any dish from any coma.

“I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” –W.C. Fields

To sum it up, treat your body like a temple.
Don’t eat what does not smell good, what does not look good and what does not make goo-goo eyes at you.

Alain ♫

Ah ! si les hommes voulaient s’aider ! Ah ! si les femmes voulaient céder! Fréderic Dard

“Our life is frittered away by detail… Simplify, simplify.” – Henry David Thoreau

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Life is complicated. I don’t think that too many people will disagree with me on this subject. And the more convoluted things are the more stressful and taxing life becomes.

To live a more serene life, everybody should strive for simplicity. And many do.
One notable exception seems to be the United States.

“The United States is now the only industrialized country in the world that does not use the metric system as its predominant system of measurement.”

 Can you believe this? The country that gave the world the transistor, the defibrillator, the hard disk drive, the laser, the integrated circuit, the global navigation satellite system, the contraceptive pill, the light emitting diode, the computer mouse, the cordless phone, the compact disc, the wireless local area network, the personal computer, the Global Positioning System, the digital camera, the Internet, etc. this country is still using the Imperial System.
A true relic from the past.

The Imperial System used in America is a legacy of the British Empire that was a leading commercial power from the 16th to the 19th century.
But the Imperial System is outdated and overly complicated. Inches, feet and yards might have been handy in the 18th century, but today it is hopelessly cumbersome and inefficient.

Most of the world is now using the metric system an internationally agreed decimal system of measurement.

It was originally based on the mètre des Archives and the kilogramme des Archives introduced by the French First Republic in 1799.

 The Metric System is a decimal measurement system that measures length in millimeters, centimeters, meters, and kilometers; capacity in liters and milliliters; mass in grams and kilograms; and temperature in degrees Celsius.

It is exquisitely simple and easy to use and I wonder why the US still did not implement this system countrywide. The kids would gobble it up like candy.
As usual, the main obstacle to this transition is probably cost and inertia.
A bad excuse when enormous sums are wasted on ridiculous projects.

Similarly, the US hemmed and hawed for a long time before finally starting to implement the more secure chip-based credit cards that has been used in Europe since the mid-1990’s.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. Dave Barry

Don’t be phobic, think metric.

Alain