Au Cochonnet Marin

 

I was indulging in the guilty pleasure of reading a Hollywood celebrities’ column when I stopped in my tracks like a pointing dog, my snout sniffing the following sentence:

“This relationship just ran its course.”

So if I understand this properly, it means that all relationships (like electric batteries) have a limited lifespan and are bound to run their preordained course, before ending up in the romance recycle bin.
I am not naïve. I know that about 80% or more of all relationships end in breakups and 50% in divorce, but it seems that celebrities have a much easier time coping with this setback.

First, they have the moola, the pull, to lubricate a smooth retreat. They all have alternative living quarters and it is often just a matter of taking your makeup kit and your toothbrush back to a fortified position prepared in advance.

Most of us don’t have this option. When we live communally, one the parting couple has to find a new place to dwell and it is always a major inconvenience.
Depending on your age, you could go back to your parents, relatives or friends but as the old saying goes “a guest is like a fish; after three days it starts smelling.”
Not a good option.

And celebrities also have a much better chance to “hook up” with somebody new. They evolve in a fairyland candy store full of beautiful people and it is just a matter of picking a new item off the shelf and taking it home for consumption.

If you are an average Joe working in an office or a factory, your options are much more limited and you are therefore much more careful about breaking up and flying the coop.

It is not fair, is it? No, it is not.
Everybody should have the same breakup opportunities and if President Trump (it sounds odd doesn’t it) wants to be a Uniter instead of a Divider, he should issue an executive order (followed by a tweet) stating that anybody who breaks up with somebody will get federal housing assistance for a period up to a year.
This would do a lot to rally and unite many of his countless detractors.

But the other side of the coin is that there is more temptation and more chances of breaking up in La La Land than in a normal working environment.

When you have to kiss someone for a living, it is much easier to get involved with your coworker than when you toil in a car factory.
To be on the safe side, nobody should ever get entangled with a celebrity and many of the “golden people” know it. The smart ones will pick up a barrista, a secretary, a lawyer but not anybody linked to showbiz.
For instance Matt Damon, Aaron Paul, George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, Meryl Streep, Jerry Seinfeld, etc. all married “Ordinary People” and seem to be much better off for it.

Breaking up is hard to do and it is sometimes better to stick it out rather than splitting up, but when worse comes to worse, it is good to remember that “When one door closes, another opens.”

Alain ?

 

 

Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets. -Neil Gaiman

? ????

When I said “bitch”, I didn’t mean a nice female pooch, but a malicious, spiteful, vindictive she-devil feline. She is a certified bitch, “an attractive female who is capable of manipulating men into getting her way” and I have the scars to prove it.

Attractive she is. No denying it. She is a stunner and that’s what originally drew me to her when I first spotted her in the animal shelter. So I took her home.
You would think that she would be grateful for that, but this is not the way of a bitch. Gratitude is definitely not one of her endearing quality.
She gets away with murder because she is pretty, very pretty… and she knows it.

But under a glamorous appearance, lurks a quick-tempered female who can switch from pleasant to aggressive in the blink of an eye.
One minute she kisses you, the next she bites you. I am starting to think that might be bi-polar.

A cat basically sleeps, eats and grooms, not necessarily in that order.
My cat likes to find a sunny spot to lounge, with preferably a daiquiri within reach. Like a Hollywood starlet she pretends to snooze, but her moving ears betray her. Through half-closed eyes, she is perfectly aware of what’s going on around her and appraises her admirers. Loser… loser… maybe… loser… dweeb… nerd…
No, no autographs today. Speak to my agent.

Once in a while though she wants to play. That’s when it becomes tricky, because with a bitch “You can play but you will not win.”
In her overwhelming desire to win, she reverts to her true personality. Doctor Jekyll disappears and mister Hyde enters the room. She will stop at nothing (bites and scratches) to be victorious.
To play with her, you better wear chain-mail gauntlets and a catcher’s facemask.

“Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility.” ~Stephen Baker

She is definitely not your idea of a “normal” cat. She does not like to be petted and does not purr. Purrs are for sissies.
She will cuddle but on her own terms. At night she might sneak on our bed and cuddle next to me. Not because she particularly likes me but more likely to appropriate my body heat… with formal interdiction to move anymore.

She is a bitch, but damn I would find it difficult to live without her.
And that’s the timeless problem with bitches. It is extremely hard, if not impossible to serve them with their walking papers.
You want to get rid of me buddy? It’s going to cost you big time.
You better get a good lawyer, and for your information Gloria Allred and PETA are ready to back me up.

How can you not love respect such a Machiavellian bitch?

Alain

? PS: Watch my latest photo album.
To look at these photos and listen to the accompanying music, turn your computer’s sound on and click on the link “My Photos” located on the right side of the home page. For best viewing, go “Full Screen”.
Thank you ?

 

 

“Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!”

? ????

When I was a young boy, I loved going to a movie theater to watch a Hollywood flick. And in those innocent days, I would go at least once a week.

Not anymore. Is it age or hypersensitivity? I don’t know.
But what I know and what is a terrible annoyance to me nowadays is the incredibly high decibel level of the theaters’ sound system.
Teenyboppers and teenagers probably love shaking in their seats, but my eardrums are not accustomed to such brutish treatment anymore and I find this extremely unpleasant.

Confidentially, I prefer to watch a movie at home on my large high definition TV screen.
At home, in the coziness of your boudoir, you can watch it in your jammies or au naturel, and if you feel so inclined you can also indulge in a few puffs of locoweed.
At home, you can also mercifully control the sound level or stop the movie altogether any time for a spot of tea or a pipi break.
And in order to catch every bit of a sometimes-mumbled dialogue you can also turn on the subtitles. Last but not least, I cannot stand the sight and the sound of popcorn chompers.
Why then would I go to a stinkin’ noisy, uncomfortable auditorium to watch a talkie?

Last night though, coerced by my main squeeze who wanted to see “La La Land” I went to such a place…

The movie was not perfect and a bit long (2h 8m) but generally speaking we liked it. The two main characters (Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone) were very good but above all, I was amazed by the sheer versatility of Ryan Gosling.
He sang, he danced and above all he played a mean keyboard. Yes, it was really him who banged convincingly on the piano during the entire movie, and he was amazingly good.

The soundtrack of La La Land is catchy and pleasurable at the same time. Unlike some soundtracks, it has appealing melodies (City of Stars for instance) and as soon as I came home I went online and bought a few tracks from Apple iTunes.

I feel confident that this movie along with Canadian-born Gosling and Stone will reap quite a few trophies, if not the best movie award at the Oscars ceremony on February 26, 2017.

See you on the Red Carpet!

Alain ?

Everything you see I owe to spaghetti. – Sophia Loren