Au Cochonnet Marin

I have being driving since the dawn of time (or so it seems) and I always highly prized this privilege. Last month though, I had to undergo some surgery and was prohibited from operating a vehicle for a while. A mighty blow to my independence, especially since I am living in a quasi-rural area.

When you reside in a metropolitan area, moving around is no problem; public transportation is omnipresent. But when you live in close proximity to cows (yes), you face a different situation. Driving is an absolute must.

My steed has been inactive for about a month and the air in its stall is getting stale. It is high time to groom it and take it out for a ride, because yes Virginia, there is such a thing as galloping fever.

No matter what your occupation is, you need to momentarily escape the confinement of your abode to remain connected with the outside world. And in California you need to drive to get there.

For the time being driving is an absolute necessity but in a year or two, this might not be the case. Driverless cars are starting to materialize and the public seems to be ready to accept them because who needs the hassle of parking?

A license for car riders might not even be needed  anymore.  A vehicle will be summoned by a smartphone and will magically appear on a doorstep. They will say: take me to the ballpark and continue a worry-free conversation with God or their business associates .

I don’t think that driving a vehicle will be missed. You won’t lose your independence and you will get rid of the costly inconvenience of ownership. Just like the horses of yore, individual cars will vanish and become another rental commodity.

But for the time being, I still need and enjoy the convenience of a private car. It takes me where I want whenever I want. And, as a bonus it gives me the pleasure to curse inconsiderate drivers in my native tongue. You could not do this in a driverless car.

Ten to 20 years out, driving your car will be viewed as equivalently immoral as smoking cigarettes around other people is today. Marc Andreessen

Alain

PS: I will start driving again in a few days.

If somebody from a distant planet landed on earth and undertook to write a report on its dwellers, he would probably record that they seem to be subservient to an intriguing little box called a cellphone.

The observer would not be too surprised though. On his own planet, machines of all sorts also mingle freely with its inhabitants and even compete with them. Some rightwing alarmists have voiced concerns that these “things” might even breed with them and eventually enslave the entire galaxy. But they are no concrete facts (so far) to substantiate these assertions.

There is no doubt that cellular phones are amazing entities capable of performing many tasks. But it is up to humans to keep them in check and decline to respond to their every request. If not, they can become extremely aggressive and seriously harm relationships. Like spoiled children cellphones must be disciplined and taught that there is a time and a place for everything.

If not restrained they will intrude on very facet of your life, spoil dinner parties, religious services, yoga sessions and even sexual congresses, a multi-consequential transgression to avoid at all costs.

So-called smart phones are amazingly versatile devices capable of executing many tasks, but humans should avoid becoming too fond of them.
Cellphones should mainly be used to communicate with relatives, friends, coworkers and bookies. They can be a lifeline and a powerful psychological prop for seniors or people living alone knowing that they can summon help anytime.
A cellphone is like a pacemaker for these people, and whatever the reasons it should never be turned off.

On the plus side, cellphones can help with destination guidance, transfer of data, photos of accidents, or videos of civic disturbances.

But they can also be a great source of distraction and considerably increase the risks of accidents. And there are also more secrets hidden inside a cellphone than anywhere else. In case of loss it could become a serious liability.

Cellphones are generally thin and good-looking, and one finds it difficult to break up with them. To stay in good terms with your clingy device, keep it fully charged and take it out to a fancy place once in a while… and ask it to keep mum.

As they say in France: “Sois belle et tais toi” (be beautiful and keep quiet).

Alain

All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power. Ashleigh Brilliant

Almost exactly three weeks after my back surgery I am up and running… Well not quite… let’s say up and strolling… with a cane. Like Lazarus (but without the help of The Carpenter) I have risen from my sickbed and started walking again. Alleluia!

I can now climb up fairly easily the once daunting fourteen steps leading to the upper floor and annoy my ever-slumbering cat again. I have reclaimed my command post in front of my wide screen Mac and I am ready to churn out the hot stuff that you expect (?).

Tonight I will also move back to the conjugal bed that I had to abandon after being slit open by a mad medic. It is way more comfortable than the practical (but cramped) hospital bed that I had to use up to now.

My becoming mobile again might prove a mixed blessing for my wife. Faced with my newly regained independence, she will have to relinquish her almost absolute power (women hate that) over me, and incidentally half of the bed. I will also reclaim authority over the bedroom TV remote control. There are no small victories.

Any relationship you need to understand has always been a covert struggle for dominance. I am Napoleon and she is Ekaterina the Great, two people not to be trifled with, especially man-eating Ekaterina. So, we both keep our powder dry, just in case.

My consort by the way always dreamed to be a nurse and emulate Florence Nightingale but I doubt that Florence had much shut-eye and my wife values sleep too much to ever have pursued that path.
So it is a fair trade: she will (hopefully) relinquish power in exchange for uninterrupted nights of sleep.

See you soon on the field compañeros!

Alain

Women desire six things: They want their husbands to be brave, wise, rich, generous, obedient to wife, and lively in bed. Geoffrey Chaucer