I have too much stuff

I have too much stuff…

I am trying to get rid of some of it, but it is not easy. Yes, I really want to do it, honest, but I am leery of Murphy’s law… everybody knows that the minute you discard an item, you will immediately need it.
It is unfortunate, but it is a scientifically proven fact. So, as you can see, I have no choice but to cling to the old stuff.

But someday you will have to make some wrenching decisions. Something on the scope of what Ike had to do on D-Day. Go or no go. I will have you know that it takes nerves of steel to do that.

Stuff is like a fungus. It grows slowly but steadily and one day you find yourself swimming in it.

For people who are not familiar with the subject, stuff is “a collection of things, events, or ideas, or the contents of something in a general way without mentioning the thing itself by name.”

 One of my pet theories is that if you keep stuff long enough, someday it will become fashionable again.
Look at torn jeans… it started when a teenager (it can only be a teenager) came across an old pair of ripped jeans probably belonging to a Forty-Niner…

Being too lazy to wash his own clothes, and desperately needing some trousers to go to a party, he grabbed the tattered jeans, went to the party and became an instant success.

All the kids present  removed their pricey jeans at once and savagely mutilated them with anything they could find. And that’s ladies and gentlemen, how the trendsetting torn jeans were born.

The same goes for old cars or vinyl records. They are coming back into fashion and if you kept them (I did) you might be sitting on a gold mine.

So a word of advice, my friends… Old stuff (like myself) can be valuable and  does not have to end in a garbage dump.

Look at politicians for instance… old dudes are recycled all the time. The Democratic front runner is rediscovered old stuff. He was out of circulation for a while and he is suddenly being back in fashion again.

Don’t forget… it is in the old pots that you make the best cooking.

And before letting you meditate on my wise sayings, an old quote from Napoleon Bonaparte

“Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet.”

Toot a loo…

Alain

PS: Feel free to “like” my post… it greatly helps to stimulate my creative juices…

Santa and me

The holidays are upon us and I am wondering if I should bother to write to Santa again.

To tell you the truth, things have not been great between the Old Man and me. In the past, I wrote to him a few times and so far, all my letters have remained unanswered. This is not very polite.

Everybody is taught to believe that Santa is a nice old dude, but I have my doubts about this guy. I know that he is very busy this time of the year, but the least he could do is reply “yes” or “no” to my repeated requests.
As I have previously stated, to keep our lives interesting, we all need new toys on a fairly regular basis, and I am no exception.

Of course, each age has its favorites, but regardless of gender or maturity, we should be entitled to at least 3 new toys every year. I bet you that this would keep family and world conflicts to a minimum.
Presidential candidates would do very well if they endorsed my idea and put it on their platforms. To sweeten the cake, they would have the government (not Mexico) pay for it.

I don’t know if it is a middle-age crisis, but lately I have been hankering for a sports car… Nothing fancy mind you (something in the low $80,000’s), but attractive enough to make a few heads turn…

I can really see myself cruising in a convertible, with a “casquette” on my head and a scarf flowing in the wind.  A sports car is a chick magnet and I would not mind having a few babes stuck to my car.

I have asked Santa (repeatedly) if he could oblige, but so far, he has remained strangely silent about my request.

So, my question is, is Santa really a nice guy? I am not the only one questioning his pedigree…

“Santa Claus wears a red suit—he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair—must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” Arlo Guthrie

You see? But I am a resourceful guy… If Santa continues to snub me, I know who to turn to. I have a few very reliable contacts at Amazon; they are friendly and extremely helpful. They never turned me down about anything, and shower me daily with great gift suggestions.

So, Santa baby, stick it in your pipe and smoke it. I can do without your haughty smugness.

Respectfully yours…

Alain

Babes in the woods

For the benefit of my close entourage, I want to make perfectly clear that “eating at my place” and “eating my place “ are two very different things.
I enjoy having dinner guests, but I don’t care for unannounced hungry visitors.

Just before the holidays, I discovered that subterranean termites have surreptitiously invaded my house and chomped on it for quite a while. This is not nice!

At first glance, everything looked normal, but if you paid closer attention and poked a finger in a plank, you would not encounter any resistance. Instead, some fine powder would start leaking out.

I don’t know much about termites but I recognize a problem when I see one. So, I called a pest control guy for advice. The man looked at the infected area and shortly after presented me a bid of $1400.00 to exterminate the varmint. I called a second person and I was quoted $450.00. The third specialist asked me for $900.00.

Well my friends, like it or not, we are all babes in the woods, “inexperienced innocents entering unawares into any potentially dangerous or hostile situation”. It is an unfortunate but very common situation.

Most of us have been schooled and worked all our lives in a very specific field. After a few years of practice, we became reasonably knowledgeable and able to solve most of the problems that we encountered (in our field).

But taken out of our comfort area, we are at the mercy of any unscrupulous tradesman. And unfortunately, there are plenty of those lurking in the bushes.

I am always willing to pay a fair price for a job, but I hate to be taken for a ride. And any time you need a specialized worker, you have a good chance to encounter a greedy individual.

The treatment proposed by three different contractors was identical. Drill little holes in the infected areas and inject some poisonous foam into them.
I settled with the $900.00 bid and a friendly young man came to do the job. He labored for about 2 hours and left.
But I have lingering doubts about the results of this procedure…

Now, a quick calculation: let say that the worker was (generously) paid $50.00/hour. Two hours of work would cost $100.00 to his employer. Let’s add another generous $50.00 for the foam.
We are now talking about a $750.00 profit for his company. ¿Es una gran estafa? I am afraid so.

Babes in the woods (most of us) are always at the mercy of highwaymen. So be extremely careful when you venture into undefined areas!

 The highwayman takes solely upon himself the responsibility, danger, and crime of his own act. He does not pretend that he has any rightful claim to your money, or that he intends to use it for your own benefit … Lysander Spooner

 Alain