The Great Unifier

The Great World Unifier has arrived. Hosanna! Hosanna!
Well, maybe not… for the Great Unifier is not really our friend but our enemy. Its only merit is its potential to unite all the nations of the world.

Alliance does not mean love any more than war means hate.
Francis Parker Yockey

Just a few short years ago, Martians were the enemies who would invade our planet and enslave Earthlings. But Martians have yet to materialize while Covid-19 (Darth Vader’s relative) is already among us.

Temporarily forgetting their past quarrels, world leaders are starting (albeit unwillingly) to cooperate to fight a common foe.

Covid-19 is a cunning enemy. It has not yet shown its face, but it is already in our midst, spreading fear and dissensions. Just like spying moles, it is hiding in plain sight.

Covid-19 is a unifier AND a divider. Its great strength lies with its uncanny ability to divide friends and families alike. Fear is irrational. The irony is that you might have cut communication with your neighbors while cooperating with Iran or China.

Humans, above all, fear the unknown and the Coronavirus is a riddle, difficult to comprehend. How is the virus spreading? Why is a person who does not travel (and has not been in contact with a traveler) is suddenly infected?

Is this the beginning of Armageddon?
The woefully unprepared authorities are wringing their hands and hoping for the best. Our commander in chief is as usual, uninformed about the situation, while assuring his fanbase that the country is fully prepared to cope with this calamity.

Judging by the frantic hoarding of face masks and disinfecting products, most of the population don’t share his crass optimism. And as usual, during a crisis, some contemptible hustlers are trying to gouge their fellow human beings. Would you pay $149 for a two-pack of 12-ounce bottles of Purell?

In France (a so-called socialist country) the price of hydroalcoholic gel has been capped at 2 euros per 50 ml. Pharmacies and websites will be fined 7,500 euros if they sell these gels above the set price.
What are we waiting for to mirror that decision? Is money more important than human lives?

In closing

This crisis, just like previous emergencies, will eventually abate and disappear. What won’t disappear so fast though are the mistakes and miscalculations perpetrated by incompetent people. A responsible high-level position should never be offered to anybody as a result of a pollical contribution. Merit is the only thing that should be considered.

Hello Washington, are you listening?

Virtual kisses and hugs.

Alai

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Looking for a good woman

A good woman… Yes I have been looking for a good woman… it is a difficult and frustrating endeavor because it seems that there is a shortage of that species.

My predicament looks similar to the people of China and India where men are struggling to find brides.

“In China and India, men outnumber women by 70 million. Both nations are belatedly trying to come to grips with the policies that created this male-heavy generation.”

A good partner should be attractive, physically fit, self-controlled, resilient, flexible, optimistic, a team player, multilingual, open-minded, a good conversationalist…

I admit that the job’s requirements are stiff, but this unique position demands it. It is a job that calls for self-control… and among other things, expert parallel parking.

Some people are quick to recruit a partner and… invariably they pay the price for their impetuosity. In such affairs, hiring interviews are of the utmost importance. You need to be able to read your tentative partner’s mind before making a decision.

As mentioned above, the coveted woman should be physically fit to assume the various positions required by the job. Being nimble of mind and body is essential. The way things go, everything happens fast, and a competent woman should be able to adapt to any situation that life throws at her.

In Pétanque, select mixed teams’ competition is not the way to go. Like in many sporting disciplines, men outnumber women by a wide margin and finding a competent mate is bordering on the impossible.

Women in sports? By all means, but not in mandated formations. Because of the lack women, many men won’t be able to play in next weekend’s tournament. This not the way to promote this sport.

Tournaments should be designed around the idea of attracting a maximum of competitors regardless of gender or age.

So, because of the sparsity of available women, I will be sitting this tournament out. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. I have back pains and a strenuous tournament might exasperate my condition.

But fear not. I will be there with my nosy cameras to record everything… warts and all.

Ta ta for now…

Alain

“When you can feel the wind blowing through your hair, it’s time to shave your legs!”

Are kissing days over?

Kissing as everybody knows, is a patented French (invention) custom, difficult to circumvent. Everything in France (from cradle to grave) starts and ends with kisses… regardless of the weather conditions.

“Until you have been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon, you have never been kissed.” Woody Allen
Absolutely true. I can vouch for it.

Kissing is extremely catchy… It can spread like fire. But so is the dreaded Coronavirus. Given the impeding pandemic, is kissing to become verboten, obsolete? Maybe… but I doubt it.

No matter what the (unprepared) authorities will declare, just like during the Prohibition, there will be speakeasies where kissing will remain popular. Yes, there will be raids and arrests, but you cannot stop smooching. It is a human right mentioned in the Declaration of Independence… Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…

Since kissing could bring about deadly consequences, it might become a little less attractive to some people. But for bungee jumpers, office seekers and other thrills applicants, it will come to be the Holy Grail. Kiss me if you dare! What teenager could refuse that challenge?

On our troubled times, kissing could also be weaponized. To get rid of some inconvenient opponents, you could hire some hitmen/hitwomen to give them the kiss of death. Better than Polonium. Discreet, pleasant and deadly.

On the pétanque field, no more smooching. We might have to wear hazmat suits and it would not be very practical. So, what could we do to greet each other in a friendly manner? A pat on the butt? A High-Five? A deep Japanese bow?

In don’t know, but in my crystal ball I see a killer app that could supersede kissing. When meeting, people would draw out their smartphones and point it at each other. A giant wet kiss would then be sent to the recipient.

Conclusion

The Coronavirus crisis is a very serious problem and it will get worse before it gets better, but panic is a very bad advisor. Until a vaccine is produced, everybody needs to stay cool and use common sense. Follow the guidelines from the CDC.

“Perform hand hygiene frequently. Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains 60 to 95% alcohol, covering all surfaces of your hands and rubbing them together until they feel dry. Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth with unwashed hands.”

Alain

“Some women blush when they are kissed; some call the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are the those who laugh.” Anonymous