Category: Fourre-tout

Grocery shopping, or shopping in general, is a chore for me… and for most true-blue American males I suspect. A necessary task, but a tedious one, and when I am coerced into doing it, I want this drudgery to be over fast… Like swallowing a spoonful of cod liver oil. Women on the other hand are born with a distinctive shopping gene and love to do what they are programmed to do. I by far, prefer to do my shopping online, with a drink in my hand and my cat on my laps. It is called “efficiency through comfort.”

Now, I just saw on TV5 (the French television channel), a short video praising a new fad. Supermarkets management in France is now encouraging their checkers to blah blah blah with their customers. Don’t rush, engage your patrons… they say.

“For two years, some employees of this Loire-Atlantique hypermarket have also had the mission of making conversation with their customers, while scanning their purchases.” 

 “We talk a lot about health, misfortunes, but also about family and small pleasures, explains the hostess, in office for 12 years. It’s the client who decides, I don’t oblige. Yesterday, a little grandmother stayed with me for 20 minutes. No worries, there was no one behind! »

What kind of nonsense is this? A new kind of Chinese torture? When I shop outside my bunker, I want it done fast. Like pulling off a tooth. Do it quickly and let me go.

You need to know that contrarily to American supermarkets where the checker packs your goods, in France, the customer has to bag his own merchandise… while the checker sits, watches, and (probably) used to sigh when it took too long.

In America, when the person in front of me engages in small talk with the checker, I feel like screaming. Hey mister, you are infringing on my civil rights… you are wasting my precious time and I resent it. You don’t want to vax? Fine. I don’t want blah blah blahs.

I am not heartless, and I empathize with lonely people who want to gab, but a crowded shopping establishment is not the place to do that. If you are lonely and need to talk, there are shrinks and escort services for that. These people will leisurely listen to you, and I understand that they do a commendable job.

So, no blah blah blah for me in supermarkets, please. I am all for progress, but there is a time and place for that. I reserve my blah blah blah time for my animal friends (especially dogs) who understand me well and vice versa. We always have unhurried conversations that leave all of us happy… without wasting anybody’s time.

« Le bla bla c’est bien, le concret c’est mieux. ».

Alain

 

As it is well-known, the game of pétanque originated in the South of France where nights are usually mild, and the natives expansive and chatty. Just ask my friend Louis Toulon, a typical Provençal.
To him and all his associates, a game is a mix of skills and entertainment. A bantering occasion, full of teasing, curses, and fake indignation.

Those unfamiliar with the game should know that pétanque is not just a physical activity but also a way to decompress; to release emotional strain and latent anxiety. In a spirited game, yells and curses abound, and that’s the way it should be.

To paraphrase a famous sporting quote, “All pétanque players are bilingual. They know French and profanity.”

Profanity, when properly delivered can be highly therapeutic. When playing, contestants should not be afraid to let go of their inner emotions. If they don’t, a match can quickly become very dull. And there is nothing worse than a lifeless game.

A sudden thought: in the spirit of pétanque, prospective candidates might take a few classes of the art of cursing before taking up the game. This way they would easily blend in with more seasoned players.

“Sure, there have been injuries and even some deaths in pétanque – but none of them really that serious.” – Alan Minter

In pétanque, there are two categories of games, casual and competitive. A casual game is a lively occasion, while competition is far more serious and subdued. Some players take the game very seriously, especially when big money is involved. The higher the prizes, the more serious and quieter the players.

“I’d run over my own mother to win a pétanque tournament.”
Yes, that’s how serious a tournament can be!

Look up, laugh loud, talk big, keep the color in your cheek and the fire in your eye, adorn your person, maintain your health, your beauty, and your animal spirits. William Hazlitt

 This is the true spirit of pétanque!

Alain

Many people like to round off a day by watching a movie on the tube, and so do I. My primary sources of amusement are Netflix, Prime Videos, and YouTube. These outfits offer a large choice of movies, but quality alas is often scarce and one (me) must shovel a lot of manure before finding a nugget.

My tastes are eclectic, and I will watch anything that catches my fancy. It could be in Spanish, German, French, Italian, Russian, Hindi, or any other foreign language, as long as the offering comes with subtitles.

Some of my favorite movies are Hispanic productions from across the Rio Grande, and beyond. I particularly like Argentinean movies; they usually have a plausible plot; they can be funny or gritty, and they are realistic and well-acted.

Others, like some French films, can be exasperating. They often feature a stupid story and when the plot is interesting, it has an open-ended finish. When you tell a story, it must have a clear conclusion; somebody dies or lives. There is no in-between. I cannot believe that I liked some of these stories when I was living abroad.

Then, you have the predictable American romcoms (with a happy ending) that often are too vapid and unrealistic. But talking about realism… I noted fairly recently that many movies now have a scene where the protagonist (with her undies on her ankles) is sitting dejectedly on the toilet bowl.

I am not a Puritan, but it is good to remember that “Familiarity breeds contempt”. In other words, the better you know someone, the more you will find fault with her/him, or lose respect for that person. Everybody deserves respect. When I am on the throne, I don’t want any witness to my doings. Remember, even the Queen usually surrounded by personal assistants sits there alone… in majestic mystery.

I would also add that “love cannot thrive without some mystery”. Any relationship needs some boundaries. It is unhealthy and oppressive to have the person you share a bed with, knowing absolutely everything about you, warts, and all. Let sleeping dogs (and toilet stories) lie. So, movie directors, no more peeing scenes, unless it is absolutely necessary to the plot.

It is said that when the Parisians stormed the Bastille, King Louis XVI wrote “rien” (nothing) in his diary. Sometimes it is crucial to intrude on somebody’s toilet meditations, but this derogation is only valid when something really big happens, like a release of new photos of scantily clad Kim Kardashian and her new heartthrob.

Alain