Category: Fourre-tout

Yesterday’s tournament hosted by La Pétanque Marinière felt like a winter anomaly. The weather was unusually sunny and warm for mid-February and it felt like Spring came ahead of itself. But who is complaining?

Thirty-two people came from all the Bay Area counties and registered to compete. Among the newcomers, I particularly noticed the Checkered Stranger, a mysterious young man never seen on our field before. I just discovered that his name is Ben Pierce and that he just joined our club. Welcome to the Promised land young man.

Despite a lingering backache I decided to play and temporally desist from my semi-official position as the club photographer. I requested to compete as a wingman since my spine does allow me any strenuous effort, and inherited Caitlin Woodbury as my partner in crime.

It was a very fortunate occurrence. Caitlin proved to be an excellent shooter who saved our butts many times during that day. Thanks to her skills, we managed to win 3 games out of 4. Not too bad, considering my rather restrained participation. As a bonus, I rediscovered that Caitlin speaks very decent French and was able to understand some of my questionable jokes.

But “Once photography enters your bloodstream, it is like a disease.” You cannot stop cold turkey and totally cease shooting regardless of the circumstances. I am fortunate to own a small, unobtrusive Canon camera that I carry in my pocket almost everywhere. This camera has a decent focusing range and between “mènes” I managed to shoot some targets of opportunity. Yesterday I shot at least 20 people…  and they will love me for it!”

 I forgot to mention that the format of this tournament was mêlée, and 2 games were played before lunch and 2 games after lunch. A convenient setup that did not put too much undue strain on my back.

By 4:00 o’clock, all the numbers had been tabulated, and the names of the winners emerged.

1^st place:        Bernard Passemar and Kota-Gutheti Shama
2^nd place:      Christine Morier and Eddy Pay
3^rd place:       Paulo Crustred and John-Philip Wyek

And that’s the way it was.

Alain

PS: Click on “My photos” to watch the pictures

 

You might or might not be aware of it, but French is a tricky language, ready to trip you the first chance it gets. So, on you next vacation to the land of Molière, handle the talking part carefully or you might end in the slammer for seditious talk.

“Prendre son pied” (taking your foot) has two distinct meanings.

It can mean “Taking great pleasure in doing something that is judged to be very pleasant” or “Taking great pleasure in a sexual activity.”

 But let’s backtrack a little…
Today, prodded by my wife, I took a rather long walk. It was pleasant (and politically correct) but I ended up with sore feet. I sat down for a few minutes, and suddenly like St. Bernadette of Lourdes, I saw the light… and heard a voice saying, “get a pedicure, you knucklehead!”

Wasting no time, like in a trance, I drove immediately to a nearby nail salon for assistance. In my hurry to get relief, I forgot to wear a mask and was rebuffed by a small Asian lady. Mask, mask she said.

I apologized and ran back to my car to get my anti-virus shield. I was then authorized to come into the crypt to “take my foot feet.”
Let me now interject a small footnote to my story.

Men are stupid brutes, only dreaming of fights and conquests. Women on the other hand, left the fights to their significant other, and told them they would pray for them… (in a spa or nail salon- detail not clearly mentioned in the conversation).

The men only heard “I will pray for you” and left for war eager and happy. This state of affairs lasted for a long time. The women quietly “took their feet “regularly while never mentioning where they prayed.

But they could not keep this secret indefinitely. Some transgender discovered “le pot aux roses” and alerted his mates. Our women secretly go to a pleasure place and never told us about it. Let’s form a convoy to protest against this practice and put an end to this.

But after some men discovered the pleasure of been pampered regularly, by some very attentive geishas, they refused to join the revolt and started to visit these infamous pleasure palaces.

Today I did it and feel much better for it. Men, wake up, and like your women, enjoy these (not so guilty) pleasures. Go to a spa or nail salon, and “take your foot”… regularly. You will feel better instantly… trust me.

Alain

I love gadgets… as a matter of fact, you probably don’t know it, but my middle name is Gadget. You might also ignore that this word is (probably) a derivation from the French word “gâchette” (trigger).

I just remembered that “gachette” rhymes with “braguette” (a trouser fly) and one of my (shady) friends liked the word so much that he called his pooch “braguette”. The dog nevertheless wore his name with pride. But I am digressing…

Gadgets are the new toys of the modern era. They are very intelligent; you can talk to them and ask them to perform a task. You will never hear any recriminations… they will obey you like a faithful mutt, and if they could (I know that it is coming) they would wag their tails. You don’t even have to raise your voice. The only prerequisite is to speak distinctly.

And even if you speak with a pronounced foreign accent, they still will understand you and execute your command. Humans, by the way, are not as smart as these gizmos… For instance, my wife has to repeat a command about 3 times before I can grab its meaning. A gadget gets it on the first try. This clearly demonstrates how much smarter than us these things are.

But gadgets, like some beloved pets, have a brief life span. Within a few short years, they become obsolete and fall out of favor. When you buy a gadget, you tend to forget that there are things called “upgrades” lurking in the shadow. These party-poopers usually show up a few days or a few weeks after you have taken your new toy home. This also means that after 2 years max you won’t be able to resist the lure of a new model and will jilt the old one for a new one. In other words, a gadget has the lifespan of a Hollywood romance… maybe a little more.

Talking about gadgets…

“My wife has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So, I bought her an electric chair.” — Red Skelton

 Even the electric chair (or the guillotine) is now obsolete even though they had a nice run as gadgets. But despite their usefulness, the public abandoned them. Like you fell out of love with the transistor radio, the pager, the Walkman, the iPod, the DVD, the BlackBerry, and the early bulky mobile telephone (with an antenna) that I used for work.

But I still love gadgets, no matter how short our love stories have been or will be.

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Alain