Category: Fourre-tout

“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.” ― Dawn of the Dead

Well, Hell seems to be packed to the brim because I see zombies walking our streets daily. If you are not observant, you might not have noticed… but I am, and I know that zombies have infiltrated our society. They try to blend with us, but they don’t fool me. Next time you leave your house, pay attention… it might save your life.

For the time being, they look harmless, but you should not trust them. They are like a fifth column, and someday they will rise and feed on your flesh.

But what is a zombie, might you ask? Well, before putting anything on paper, I check my facts with the Internet, and this is what it says about them:

“A zombie is a person or reanimated corpse that has been turned into a creature capable of movement but not of rational thought, and which feeds on human flesh.” 

All right, now you know. The next question is how do you recognize a zombie? First, you should know that zombies never look directly at you. They usually walk with their eyes cast down, averting your stare. They pretend that you don’t exist, because someday they will drink your blood, and you usually don’t befriend a person you intend to drain of its vital juices.

The second thing that you should be aware of, is that zombies continually talk (or mumble) to themselves. They never stop. They almost sound like have-been politicians.

The third thing (a dead giveaway) is that they usually use a special little box to communicate with the devil. It is not always apparent, but trust me, I have carefully observed them and have taken notes… even photographs. I know what I am talking about.

The frightening thing about this though, is that some of your friends or even family members already are, or slowly becoming zombies. It becomes difficult to communicate with them and they now barely acknowledge your existence.

Especially susceptible to this curse, are teenagers. But don’t despair. They can be cured… or detoxed. If you want to save them, here is what you need to do.

First, you should get a good mirror that you are going to use to avert their gaze. The second utensil that you need,  is a solid wooden stake, preferably made of seasoned oak.

Then, one night, when the apprentice zombie is asleep, you seize his/her little devil box and vigorously hammer the rigid oak stick in its heart.

To the best of my knowledge, this is the best-proven way to “de-zombize” a friend or a person dear to you.

Don’t thank me. This is a public service announcement.

Alain

“This is the way the world ends; not with a bang or a whimper, but with zombies breaking down the back door.” ― Amanda Hocking

Today, regardless of what television station you are watching or what language you are listening to, you cannot fail to come across images of Queen Elizabeth II’s life or funerals.

The world seems mesmerized by the passing of the queen, and Great Britain appears to have come to a silent standstill to pay a last homage to the longest reigning queen in history.

But what makes the world so emotional about the passing of Queen Elizabeth II? Monarchy is a very fragile institution, and some people (including many in England) have often demanded the closing of the Firm.

Some individuals might also have forgotten that monarchs in England (or anywhere else) could be very unpopular. In 1649, king Charles I of England was accused of treason, and later beheaded in a clean single stroke. But monarchy proved resilient in this part of the world and was restored a few years later. And it seems to be here to stay.

Queen Elizabeth was a different person from the usually entitled pretenders. She was not born to reign, and if it would not have been for the recklessness (and the Nazi sympathies) of her uncle (King Edward VIII), she would never have acceded to the throne.

Marion Crawford (her Scottish governess for many years) later wrote a book about Elizabeth and Margaret (disavowed by the Palace) called “The Little Princesses”.

“The book describes Elizabeth’s love of horses and dogs, her orderliness, and her attitude of responsibility. Others echoed such observations: Winston Churchill described Elizabeth when she was two as “a character. She has an air of authority and reflectiveness astonishing in an infant.” Her cousin Margaret Rhodes described her as “a jolly little girl, but fundamentally sensible and well-behaved“.

Elizabeth became Queen in 1953, at the very young age of 25. I was then 14, and I remember watching part of her coronation on a black and white television set that had been positioned in an appliance storefront window. At that time, most of the people watching with me never owned a TV set.

Queen Elizabeth lived a charmed life and remained popular for most of her life. She was a trained diplomat and knew how to treat visitors and heads of state alike. Charles de Gaulle, who could be a curmudgeon, also succumbed to her charm, as shown when she visited Paris in 1960.

She could (and she did) always remain above the fray and this helped to preserve her good name and the monarchy.

“I cannot lead you into battle, I do not give you laws or administer justice, but I can do something else, I can give you my heart and my devotion to these old islands and all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations.”

No country in the world or even Hollywood can match England’s expertise when it comes to pomp and pageantry. It has been honed and polished by centuries of tradition and it has reached an almost state of perfection.

You cannot help feeling moved when watching the throngs of people (who sometimes spent the night in their cars) for the privilege of saying a last goodbye to the only queen they ever knew.

Goodbye, Your Majesty, you will be fondly remembered for a long time… and for posthumously boosting the British economy by attracting millions of tourists wishing to purchase various mementos of a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.

Alain

 

Yesterday, to everybody’s relief, the temperature finally dropped down to a more normal seasonal level and made our annual event much more pleasant. It was overcast and cool in the morning (excellent weather for photography) and kind of muggy and sticky in the late afternoon.

To my surprise though, only 15 mixed teams showed up for combat, but it made the event feel more like a family affair: informal and friendly. I surmised that some monarchists preferred to stay home to watch Queen Elizabeth’s elaborate funeral pageantry. The Donald (surely watching from his lair) must have been green with envy.

Due to my rather substandard physical condition, and after much internal debate, I finally decided to team up with Tall Nina, a friendly newcomer. It was a wise choice since Nina proved to be an excellent pointer.

As usual, 3 timed games were played in the morning and elimination games in the afternoon. In the morning, Nina and I did rather poorly and were promptly defeated slaughtered (2/13, 5/13, 2/13) by much better teams. I tried to take notes of the names while playing but ended up erasing everything by mistake.

On our first game though, I remembered being pulverized by Tim Wetzel and Holly Sammons. I was going to put Tim on my enemy list, but he proved so photogenic that afternoon that I had to cancel that project.  I decided to put him instead on my “watch” list. Be warned Tim, I am watching you.

Since I am not in my best physical condition, I was hoping to be promptly eliminated in the afternoon and spend the rest of the day peacefully photographing the event. But the Olympian Gods didn’t see it that way.

After lunch, Nina and I played our first Consolante game. As luck would have it, we won that game, mainly due to Nina’s excellent pointing. Damn! We had to play a second game, and triple damn, we won again. Lord, have mercy! Soon we were in the Consolante finals facing Erin and Mike Menefee again. We lost the coin toss and crafty Erin dragged us to the heavily graveled court on the left of the field.

Nina had never played on such a surface, and I am not exactly an expert in this area. Erin and Mike clobbered us 13/2 and finally took us out of our misery, and carried me out on a stretcher… I am kidding.

This long story, to let you know that I had very little time to photograph the event. While we were battling Erin and Mike, the Concours’ finals were taking place at the other end of the field.

Mark and Sandra were engaging Tim and Holly. But as is often the case, the finals proved a little disappointing. Instead of an apocalyptic fight, we witnessed a much watered-down event. Mark and Sandra finally prevailed and won (I believe) 13/8.

Altogether though, a very lovely, friendly event.

Concours

1^st place: Mark and Sandra Shirkey
2^nd place: Tim Wetzel and Holly Sammons

Consolante

1^st place: Erin McTaggart and Mike Menefee
2^nd place: Nina Semenenko and Alain Efron

Alain

PS: watch some pictures of the event in “My photos”. Thank you for your attention.