Category: Fourre-tout

A little bit of everything

Coat of mail

Mvc-009sIn the old days a gentleman would have been well advised not to venture anywhere without a coat of mail, for he never knew when somebody would sneak up on him and thrust a dagger in his back.

Nowadays it is a rather unlikely event, but you probably have more to fear than yesteryear, for today’s assassins are stealthier and deadlier. They strike under the cloak of darkness and their weapon of choice is the Internet.

Today many people do their banking electronically and that’s where danger lurks. When you opt (as encouraged by the banks) for automatic bill payments, you basically authorize the bank to help itself to your cash. You are implicitly saying: take as much as you want my friend… And financial institutions are not shy about helping themselves.

If you are not watchful, they (like mosquitoes) will bite you repeatedly, and stealthily suck your blood like the little nasties. And you will feel the pain and the annoyance way after the facts when it becomes almost futile to complain.

Case in point: a few months ago I parked $10,000 in a bank. They told me that I also needed to open a checking account (a mere formality) with a minimum deposit of $100.00. Fine I said, no problem.

Imagine my surprise when two months later I noticed that my friendly bank was charging me a maintenance fee of $8.00 per month.
I gave them $10,100 to use as they please (to lend to some other suckers and charge them a hefty interest) and they had the gall to charge me a fee for authorizing them to use my money.
When confronted, the bank meekly agreed to remove the charges, but if I had not caught their shenanigans, tough!

I don’t think that anybody has more gall than banks!
And maybe not…
Some outfits will raise their rates without any warning and if you give them a blank check, they will happily take advantage of your generosity.
If you are using automatic payments, you need to scrutinize each bill and loudly complain if something doesn’t look kosher.

If you fail to do so, you will be fleeced without seeing a thing, and that’s what banks are hoping for.
Trust us my friend, they keep saying, trust us…

Well, like Ronnie used to say, “Trust, but be damn sure to verify!”

Like yesteryear you still need to wear a dense coat of mail.

Alain

Holy Shopping

Day in day out I am basically wearing the same clothes. Not by choice mind you.
It is not that I am hostile to fashion; it is rather that fashion is hostile to me.

My body happens to be part of a limited edition, and clothes manufacturers are not interested in accommodating such a restricted market.
Therefore, when I go on a buying safari I find it extremely difficult to find garments that will fit me.

And to add to my woes, there is the excruciating shopping steeplechase.
To maximize profits, store managers have dismissed qualified salespeople and left just a few zombies to man the cash registers.
Salespeople have become a vanishing breed and a customer is basically on his own when venturing in the jungle of a department store.

Personally I hate shopping like Republicans hate freethinkers, but unlike the Republicans I have many solid reasons to hate shopping.

Let me count the ways…

When you finally collar a salesperson (hopefully English speaking), he/she cannot devote too much time to you because they are needed somewhere else.

And when you find something that you like (but of course doesn’t fit), you feel compelled to bring back the stuff where you found it, and to neatly fold it back.
I have better things to do with my time.

Sophia LorenWhen miracle of miracles, you finally stumble upon something half-decent there are the unavoidable alterations.
The discriminatory surcharge added to already expensive items.
Is this a way to treat a guy willing to splurge on new duds? I don’t think so.

Women profess to love shopping.  “I just lôôôve shopping” they coo.
How could they love being treated like canine droppings and having to pay for it?
But women (it is a little-known scientific fact) are masochists and that’s why they adore shopping.

And that’s why alas, you always see me wearing the same old faded duds.
These clothes are not glamorous, but they happen to fit me and that’s all that matters.

Thinking of it, what I really need is a shopping assistant…

If you happen to have an hourglass figure, know all the words of La Marseillaise and can properly season “escargots”, give me a jingle, I might be interested.

Alain

 

Revolutionary day in Sonoma

Last Sunday, people gathered in Sonoma to celebrate Bastille Day, the 224th anniversary of the French Revolution, and incidentally to play a little pétanque.
They came in throngs ready to feast and to compete.
I estimated the crowd to be around 150 people, without counting babies, children and dogs.
People came from all over the Bay Area and there were many faces that I didn’t recognize. I apologize if I didn’t remember you and didn’t greet you properly.

The weather was perfect throughout the day, not too hot and not too cool.

The VOMPC did an excellent job of organizing the event. They even rented tables and chairs to accommodate such a large crowd.
Thinking of that, it would have been nice to let people know about this so that nobody would have had to schlep chairs and tables to the field. Next time maybe.

The tournament managers were able to put together 28 triplettes, that is 84 players.
The tournament started around 10:00 a.m. and two games were to be played before lunch.
I personally opted not to play to concentrate on taking pictures, for it is almost impossible to do both. I took a lot of snapshots and out of almost 300 shots I published about a hundred of them.
You can look at them by clicking on “My photos” on the right side of this blog.

The lunch was prepared by chef Christine Piccin and her crew, and the music was provided by the Due Zighi Baci duo.

IMG_2004Around lunchtime we were treated as usual to an enthusiastic (if slightly off-key) rendition of La Marseillaise by none other than Le Facteur (aka Jean-Michel Poulnot).
That was fine and dandy, but I still wonder why he kept brandishing a golden phallus during his entire performance?
Is there something about the French Revolution that I didn’t know?

There was also another rendition of La Marseillaise by another gentleman.
It was OK, but in my often partial opinion it didn’t match the enthusiastically bloodthirsty spirit of The Postman’s performance.

After lunch the tournament continued and I spotted some episodes that I never saw before. I witnessed a seemingly insecure dog accompanying his mistress each step she took on the field, and a determined mother crouching and pointing while carrying a baby in her arms.
Could you do that? I couldn’t.
Pétanque wonders will never cease.

Thank you Valley of the Moon Pétanque Club for a job well done and an excellent day.

Alain

PS: To look at pictures of this event, turn the sound on, click on the “Home” link at the top of the page, and click again on “My photos” located on the right side of the page.