Category: Fourre-tout

I am Charlie. We all are Charlies, or ought to be.

We have to stand united against this latest form of evil that is Islamic extremism.
And above all, never submit to intimidation.

Sony initially made a capital mistake by cancelling the New York premiere of a political satire called “The Interview”.
It cowardly caved in to threats.
Charlie Hebdo on the other hand, in spite of its staggering losses (10 journalists gunned down) vowed to continue publication of its magazine and lambast extremists of all ilks.
I vigorously applaud this!

The latest terrorist attack that struck Charlie Hebdo in Paris is a reminder that intolerance is alive and well.
This old form of cancer is spreading again throughout the world and ought to be fought with the greatest determination if democracy and civilization are to survive, for there is very little difference between Islamic extremism and Nazism.

The pathetically ignorant zealots who spread terror ought to be opposed by everybody, including ordinary Muslims.
« Qui ne dit mot consent » He who says nothing (tacitly) agrees.
Remaining silent in front of this outrage is condoning this type of behavior.

The best way to get rid of this scourge is to systematically cut off every head of the Islamic Hydra.
So called preachers, imams, rabble-rousers, agents provocateurs, anybody enticing another person to commit murder should be vigorously prosecuted.
Every possible mean should be used to annihilate the malefic leadership that incites gullible followers to hatred and murder.

Using religion as an excuse for eliminating opponents is not a new trend.
It has been used for centuries by just every religious faction to gain power and establish tyranny.
But you would think that in our day and age people would be a little less gullible than in the Middle Ages.
Not so.

France has been bending over backwards to absorb and integrate its Muslim population, but with little to show for.
Handouts are not the answer. Chain gangs would be a better alternative.

And any so called “jihadist” who goes to Syria or any other troubled region to fight western civilization ought to be permitted to leave, but never to return.
When you leave your country to fight against it, you abdicate your citizenship.

A trip to the warring areas of the Middle East ought to be a one-way ticket to “Paradise”.

Je suis Charlie!

Alain

Yesterday, January 6 marked the day of the Epiphany, a feast that celebrates the revelation to the world that newborn Jesus (funny name) is the Son of God.

Yesterday was also my birthday, a day that also confirms that I am not the son of any deity. Difficult to believe, don’t you think?
And still, a lot of people took the time to send me a note to wish me a happy birthday.
Thank you very much to you all. Merci beaucoup mes chers amis !

This is one of the few things that Facebook is good for. Remind people of upcoming birthdays.
This avalanche of good wishes prompted me to update my Facebook status to include my wife, and the second I did this, Facebook trumpeted to the world: “Alain Got Married!”

This in turn led well-wishers to send me their heartfelt congratulations.
Well my friends, sorry to disappoint you but I didn’t get hitched yesterday. I did this for the second time about ten years ago, probably while in a drunken stupor.

But this episode perfectly illustrates the danger of providing too much information about yourself on social media.
There is a wise French saying that goes: “Pour vivre heureux vivons cachés” (to live a happy life, remain discreet) and it is a heck of a good advice.
No matter who you are, it would benefit you to always remain discreet about yourself.

Yesterday was also the birthday of my good friend Jean-Claude (the Baker) Bunand. I forgot a little bit about this because of the commotion surrounding my own birthday.
But the “barbu” didn’t forget.
Around 7:00 p.m. someone rang my doorbell and when I opened the door it was not Melchior, Caspar or Balthazar standing there.
It was Jean-Claude bearing Gold, Myrrh and Frankincense.

Actually it was just a Galette des Rois (buttery puffed pastry filled with almond cream) but it was symbolic enough. This man reveres me like a god.

Thank you Jean-Claude. You are a king among men and I am glad to count you as a friend.
Thank you all for thinking of Little Old Me on that significant day.
This might entitle you to a piece of the Kings’ Cake.

Alain

PS: We didn’t eat it that cake. We are saving it to share it with friends.

I consider myself a helpful person and I will prove it to you once more by helping you make the best resolutions for 2015.
Here are the most sensible commitments I gleaned on the Internet that I will unselfishly share with you:

 

* I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

* I will also do less laundry and wear more deodorant

* I will go to the gym more than twice this year.

* I will lose between ten and three thousand pounds.

* I will get two friends to start smoking… that way I will feel less guilty when I drink too much.

* I will regularly check that my family is still alive in the next room

* I will stop twitting from the toilets

* I will not try to teach my wife to fly out the window when she gets on my nerves.

* In 2015 I will continue my red wine, pasta Alfredo and fast food diet, but in the bio mode

* I will think of a better password than “password” or “hello”.

* I will learn what the word “resolution” means.

And finally, I wish that the fleas of a thousand mangy dogs infest the ass of anyone who messes just one second of the new year and that this moron’s arms become too short to ever scratch.

Happy new year ! Frohes neues Jahr ! Bonne année à tous ! Buon anno ! Feliz ano nuevo ! С Новым Годом (S novim godom)

Your devoted friend

Alain

PS : In 2014 you sent me your best wishes. It did not work.
For 2015 send me cash instead. Thank you.