Net surfer

Je suis un “net surfer”. Ce n’est pas une maladie honteuse et je ne m’en cache pas.
Tous les jours, en équilibre précaire sur ma planche journalistique je navigue les flots souvent capricieux de la Toile.
Je butine comme une abeille vagabonde. Je vais de site en site un peu au hasard et je me pose parfois sur des endroits surprenants.

C’est au cours d’une de ces escapades que j’ai amerri (les pieds devant comme un canard) sur le site de BritBrit Chérie.
J’ai été immédiatement conquis par le style, la gouaille, l’esprit de cette demoiselle. Je ne sais pas si elle est gironde ou moche comme un pou, mais elle me plait.
Une femme ou un homme qui ont de l’esprit ne sont d’ailleurs jamais laids.

BritBrit n’a pas de fausse honte et parle de tout le plus naturellement du monde.
Elle parle de caca, de pipi ou de sperme comme je parlerais de pommes Dauphine ou de Crêpes Suzette.

Je me souviens d’avoir lu dernièrement un de ses article intitulé « tout ce que l’on devrait savoir sur le vagin » et qui commençait par cette phrase : « Tiens, c’est l’été, et si j’attirais le chaland avec un billet cul ».

Jarnicoton ! Cette mousmé n’a pas la langue dans sa poche ! Voilà une chose qui me plait.
BritBrit Chérie est drôle sans être vulgaire et j’ai la plus grande admiration pour les gens qui ont de l’esprit.

« L’esprit est le sel de la conversation, non sa nourriture. » William Hazlitt
Et une nourriture sans sel est insipide, n’en déplaise aux gourous de la santé.

Elle n’a pas peur de s’auto déprécier et c’et une autre chose que j’apprécie.

« Mon derrière et moi avons un pacte : je me mêle de mes fesses et en échange, il se mêle des siennes. En bref, on ignore chacun notre propre existence. Chose d’autant plus facile pour moi, que je suis née au départ, sur témoignage de ma mère, avec deux machins rebondis et qu’aujourd’hui, j’ai deux trucs dont on ne sait s’il s’agit de kystes éclatés ou d’un prolongement des cuisses jusqu’en bas du dos. Pour faire plus simple dans le descriptif, je dirai que de fesses, je n’en ai point ; vue de cul, je suis portée disparue. »

Bref, si un jour vous avez un coup de pompe, ou le moral dans les chaussettes, allez faire un tour chez BritBrit.
Je vous garantie que vous  retrouverez la pêche illico presto!

Je suis devenu un fan et ai même ajouté (honneur sans précédent) la longitude et la latitude de son site (a droite, au bout de la page) sur mon blog.

Pour être honnête, je suis admiratif mais aussi jaloux. Cette nana écrit beaucoup mieux que moi et mon ego souffre comme un lombric accroché a un hameçon.

Merde BritBrit Cherie ça fait mal de dire ça, mais quand on aime il faut s’attendre a souffrir !

Alain

Merci Caroline pour ces petits clips:

Friends

We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
Thucydides

In life some people are blessed with some special talent. They are musically inclined, excel in the kitchen or are born builders.

Personally, there are one or two things that I manage to do fairly well and my own philosophy is to lend a hand whenever a friend needs help and when I feel qualified to do so. I don’t expect any reward for it. It just makes me feel good to help somebody.
And it is another deposit in my Karma box… to be collected later when I resurface as a cat or as a dog.

IMG_0002It is said that birds of a feather flock together, and we tend to become friends with people sharing the same qualities.
People who will generously offer their time and qualifications to assist a friend.

In an ideal world, that’s the way it should be. But it is not. Some people will accept favors without ever thinking of reciprocating.
This is not honorable.

I read somewhere that Elbert Hubbard was fond of saying, “If you’ve got five friends when you die, then you’ve had a great life.”
I totally agree with this.

Genuine friends cannot be bought, regardless of how much money you dangle in front of them. They might hang on, but hangers-on are only fair-weather friends. They will scatter at the first sign of an approaching storm.

Friendship is a privilege that should never be abused. It is like a very old brandy; it should be savored slowly and sparingly.

I try hard to never forget what my friends did for me or (I am an imperfect human being) what my enemies did to me!
To me, a favor granted is a debt to be repaid ASAP… with interest.

And by the way, a piece of news, Israel is the one country in which everyone is pro-American, opposition and coalition alike. And I represent the entire people of Israel who say, ‘Thank you, America.” And we’re friends of America, and we’re the only reliable allies of America in the Middle East.” Benjamin Netanyahu

Alain

 

Google Translate

HelloWhile traveling abroad, American tourists spotted the following signs.

Athens, hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the rooms.
Moscow hotel: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Paris dress shop: Elegant dresses designed for street walking.
Rome laundry: Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Acapulco hotel: We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Those signs were obviously created by inarticulate English speakers for the benefit of English speaking travellers.
They were somewhat helpful, but also hilariously inadequate.

Today, if you travel abroad and have a Smartphone. you won’t make any booboos and expose yourself to ridicule.

If you trek to Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, Germany, or even Russia, and don’t speak le local lingo there is a very simple solution.
Use the Google Translate app (application) and you will be amazed by its capabilities.
I was.

Google Translate will automatically convert anything you say, while the conversation is happening.
You will ask your questions in English and Google will translate and pronounce everything instantaneously (with the proper accent) in the local language.
And it will also show the transcript of your conversation on the Smartphone’s screen.
Then your interlocutor can answer in his own language and it will automatically come out in your language.

I am in fairly constant contact with Russian people who don’t speak English.
My Russian being rather limited, this could be a big problem (Bolshoya probliema).
But have no fear, Google is here!
With Google Translate I have become a flawless Russian speaker, instantly understood by my Slavic friends.

It is also helpful may I add when communicating with my wife. It can help to clarify misunderstandings that could easily evolve into nuclear incidents.

By the way, the app is free and you would be foolish not to take advantage of it.

https://translate.google.com/?ie=UTF-8&hl=en&client=tw-ob#auto/ru/Goodbye%20my%20friends

До Свидания, мои друзья, Do zvidaniya moi druz’ya

In other words, goodbye my friends!

Alain

PS: Google plans to add more languages very soon.