Le petit Robert 2015

  • Petit RobertÊtre au bout du rouleau : Situation très peu confortable, surtout quand on est aux toilettes.
  • GPS : Seule femme que les hommes écoutent pour trouver leur chemin.
  • Taser : Instrument utilisé afin de mieux faire passer le courant entre la police et la jeunesse.
  • Porte-clefs : Invention très pratique qui permet de perdre toutes ses clefs d’un coup au lieu de les perdre une par une.
  • Maison Blanche : Actuellement Barack noire.
  • Voiture : Invention ingénieuse, permettant de contenir 110 chevaux dans le moteur et un âne au volant.
  • Orteil : Appendice servant à détecter les coins de portes.
  • Egalité des sexes : Nouveau concept créé par les hommes pour ne plus payer le restaurant.
  • Monter un meuble Ikea : Expression moderne signifiant “passer un week-end de merde”.
  • Suppositoire : Invention qui restera dans les annales.
  • “Oui chérie” : Gain de temps.
  • La beauté intérieure : Concept inventé par les moches pour pouvoir se reproduire.
  • Pruneau : Synonyme de personne âgée. Qui est ridé et qui fait chier.
  • Aides internationales : Aides payées par les pauvres des pays riches pour aider les riches des pays pauvres.
  • Pharmacie : Confiserie pour vieux
  • Blonde : Concept pour faire croire que les autres femmes sont intelligentes.
  • Un meurtre de sang froid : Un ice crime
  • Sentiments partagés : Quand votre belle-mère est en train de reculer dans le ravin avec votre voiture toute neuve.
  • Femme : C’est comme le café, au début ça excite mais rapidement ça énerve
  • Carte bleue : Viagra féminin.
  • Masochisme : Concept proche de la politesse : frapper avant d’entrer
  • Le Gospel : C’est quand ton gamin a pris un coup de soleil
  • Homme riche : Celui qui gagne plus d’argent que ce que sa femme n’en dépense
    Grand amour : Expression datant du 15ème siècle, lorsque l’espérance de vie était de 35 ans.

Sausages & Lentils 2015

As you probably know, lately I have been under the weather and unable to attend the club’s annual Sausages & Lentils picnic/tournament.
But even though I stayed home, I was with you in spirit.

IMG_9563According to my sources, 42 players showed up to compete and feast on Jean-Claude Etallaz famed “diots” (sausages) “a la Savoyarde”.
And indeed they looked scrumptious on the photos taken by a certain Tamara Efron.
IMG_9533It would be remiss of me not to mention Antoine Lofaro who did a great job assisting Jean-Claude.

 

 

14 triplettes competed for the top spots, and after the dust settled the following people came to the podium to be kissed by the local miss and receive their purses.

 


1st place:     Patrick Vaslet, Sabine Mattei, Jean-Michel Poulnot:  $48.00
2nd place:    Benji Tosi, Christine Jones, Larry Cragg:  $24.00
3rd place:      Brendan Cohen, C. Davantes, Mireille DiMaio: $12.00

Let’s not forget that Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half.” Bum Phillips

The tournament was run by Verena Rytter assisted by Liv Kraft who was gracious enough to sit through the entire tournament to keep scores and allow Verena to compete.
Thank you Liv. You are indeed the genuine article.

I won’t speak at length about what I didn’t witness and I will let instead Tamara’s photos speak for themselves.

Congratulations to the winners and best luck next time to the rest of the pack!

Alain

PS: To look at photos of this event and listen to the accompanying background music, turn your computer’s sound on, and click on the link “My Photos” located on the right side of this page. For best viewing, go “Full Screen”.

 

Paean to mousers

“Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched.”
Miguel de Cervantes

I know Miguelito and I have many scars to prove it. But those are love bites and cannot be held against my client.

IMG_2254A cat’s life is generally rather mellow.
It revolves around three main occupations: sleeping, eating and playing, not necessarily in that order.

Sleeping is an important (if not the most important) pastime and it is taken very seriously by felines.
First, the cat has to decide where to snooze. There are plenty of nice spots around the house, but given a chance, a cat will preferably pick a very small box to slink in and relax.

Because a cat is vain. We all know that.

maruWhat do you mean, “I won’t fit into that box”
Are you implying that I am too fat? I will show you…
Sounds strangely familiar.
No matter how small the box, the cat will squeeze in.
And then look at you with (what else?) a Cheshire cat smile.
Told you so!
As you well know, it is pointless to argue with a cat.

Eating is special too. There are no regular hours. All a cat wants to know is that there is an all-night buffet readily available somewhere around the house.
Because a light midnight snack is not uncommon.

Sometimes, like human beings, cats cannot sleep. So they roam the place looking for something to do.
That’s when you usually hear a loud crash in the middle of the night. Here goes another flowerpot.
In the beginning you get startled and immediately get up to investigate, but after a while you just curse, turn around in your bed and go back to sleep.
What’s the use of getting up?

Cats love to play. And they will play with anything. Unlike slow-witted human beings, cats will have fun with anything that can be batted or tossed around.
And cats can play fetch like dogs. And they are much more acrobatic than canines when doing so.
A cat is a coiled spring that can be released in a fraction of a second. If you can watch this in slo-mo it is a rather spectacular thing to see.

A cat constantly patrols its domain. It is part of the original deal. I agree to live with you, but I am in charge of security. I will check every nook and cranny to make sure that there is no enemy infiltration. I promise you that no bug or rodent will ever break the perimeter.
And that I believe.

Even though our cat has been living with us for the last 4 months and has explored every recess of our abode, she still feels obligated to patrol looking for potential enemies (or victims).
But no rodent (unlike suicidal) would be foolish enough to venture in a place knowing that a cat dwells there.

Cats are amazing creatures. They can be mellow, but when cornered they become as fierce as lions. An angry cat is a rather frightening sight and many dogs have fled (with their tail between their legs) when confronted by a claws wielding cat.

The Irish have a saying:
“Beware of people who dislike cats.”
I totally agree with you laddies. I would not confide to anybody who disapproves of cats.

Meow for now.

Alain