Category: Fourre-tout

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.” Elayne Boosler

When I am waiting in line somewhere and when a customer ahead of me starts to chew the fat with the checkout girl, my tachometer starts to rev up alarmingly.
There is a time and a place for everything, and tying up shopping traffic during business hours is neither the time nor the place.

When it is time to pay, pull out your plastic and get out of the #@&*% way.
If a truck gets stuck on a bridge and prevents a convoy from going through, many people would favor kicking the damn thing overboard.

The same thing applies to a gabby customer.
I can picture a giant robotic hand coming out of the celling, picking up the flibbertigibbet (excessively talkative person) and dumping her (men are usually not as verbose) somewhere far from the madding crowd.

Or (I am an accommodating fellow) I could picture three different checkout stations.
The first one would be for plodding customers.
The second one would be for “run of the mill” shoppers.
And the last one would be for no nonsense buyers.

And there would be signs identifying each station.
The first sign would say: Plodders. Take your time; tell me about your family.
The second sign would say: Cruisers: Will it be cash, debit or credit?
And the last one would say: Bruisers: Apple Pay, move it, move it.

Women don’t shop because they need something; they shop for the sake of shopping.
For most men shopping is a chore, and we want to expedite that job as quickly as possible.
Personally, (j’aime joindre l’utile a l’agréable) I like to shop from the comfort of my toilet seat.

So ladies, when you are dream walking in a store keep in mind that “one woman’s joy is another man’s sorrow.”
At the cash register, please keep it snappy!

Alain

I always said that if you are dissatisfied with any kind of service, instead of bitching (and probably doing nothing), put your grievances in writing and send it to the people in charge.

Last case in point.
Whenever I bring my car for service to the Toyota dealership in Novato, I have to cross Vintage Way to get a cup of coffee while waiting.

I have been unhappy for quite a while about the extremely short time span allocated to the traffic light controlling the crossing of that street.
The green light will briefly appear (for about 15 seconds) and go back to red while you are only halfway across the street.
This state of affairs is rather annoying, and dangerous to say the least.

Finally fed up with this problem, I wrote (always politely) to the department that I thought was responsible for this situation.

It took a little while, but somebody finally contacted me to tell me that I was barking at the wrong tree.
The outfit responsible for this they told me, is DC Electric Group, an electrical contractor who takes care among other things of maintenance and repair of traffic signals and streetlights.
They related my message to them.

DC Electric contacted me via e-mail and asked me specifically which traffic signal I was referring to.
Acknowledging my request is already a positive development.

I used Google Earth to send them pictures of the exact location of the traffic light and I am now waiting to see if they are going to do anything about this.

They better do it, because when I start something I am like a flea on a dog. I won’t let go. If I don’t get satisfaction I will keep biting them with letters demanding action and they will get tired of this before I do.

Waiting now to see if action speaks louder than words, or for my Hispanic readers “acciones hablan más que las palabras.”

To be continued…

Alain

“Absent from one’s post but without intent to desert.”

Every couple needs a vacation. From each other.

Let’s face it, being joined at the hip is unhealthy. In the long run it generates what Edna St. Vincent Millay called “the terrible trials on incessant proximity.”
Like an old Diesel submarine a couple needs to periodically surface (pull apart) to recharge its batteries.

Every twosome is regulated by an unwritten but somewhat rigid code of conduct. Any derogation to this code can create subterranean frictions.
A vacation apart, putting aside established rules is ultimately beneficial to a couple.

While in a vacation from your mate, you can revert to your true self.
You can relive your bachelor glory days when housecleaning and corporal care were optional.
When belching and passing wind were innocent occurrences.
When the bed was made only for special occasions.
When cobwebs and dust were left undisturbed for long periods of time.

A temporary separation is unequivocally healthy and recommended by health therapists the world over.

One of the most sensible relationships I ever had was when my main squeeze and I were living in the same building but in separate apartments.
When I felt like doing the nasty I whistled.
When she wanted to make whoopee she yelled “Darling did you whistle?
After thoroughly discussing Uganda, we returned respectively to our respective abode.
No fuss no muss.

 

A brief separation makes you look forward to coming together again and appreciating each other’s company.
So, don’t throw stones at couples that take a separate vacation. It is more astute than you think.

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.”
Roger de Rabutin, comte de Bussy.