I am coming clean. I confess. I am a bad American!
I don’t give a flying fart about football and its Super Bullish Extravaganza!
In the McCarthy era I would have been blacklisted and investigated for anti-American activities.
In Iran, the Revolutionary Guards would have stoned me to death.
In the Middle Ages I would have been burnt at the stake.
Repent you heathen ruffian, they would have said, and before surrendering your soul to the Devil, acknowledge the infallibility of the Football League!
But I cannot help it. Football doesn’t turn me on.
I don’t understand or share the collective hysteria sweeping the country.
I don’t get any satisfaction in watching overweight players bumping heads. Pompom girls I could watch, but tattooed gladiators, no thanks.
I guess that some people like viewing football because it allows them to live vicariously through their heroes. They can very well imagine tackling their boss and leaving him on the field with some serious concussion.
This is satisfying!
These last few days I have been unable to tune in to any TV channel without being verbally assaulted by over-enthusiastic reporters.
They are everywhere interviewing players, parents, priests, pets…
They give breathless accounts of the quarterbacks’ most inner thoughts, what they ate for breakfast and what they think of global warming.
The country even temporarily forgot about Kardashian’s baby! Can you imagine… relegating Kardashian’s moneymaking enterprises to the news back burners!
That is truly un-American!
And, like at the St Patrick, everybody feels obligated to wear their favorite team’s colors. Even helpless babies are strapped in gaudy uniforms.
If I am not mistaken, I think that this could qualify as child abuse…
And then there will be the inevitable riots after the game.
Winning or losing, some punks will release their pent-up emotions by kicking garbage cans and smashing windows. The police expect it and don’t mind the overtime.
No, personally I refuse to subscribe to this mass hysteria.
Tomorrow I will probably find solace by munching on some homemade cookies while watching reruns of the Andy Griffith Show.
This is as American as can be!