Category: Fourre-tout

You don’t get to choose your parents and you don’t get to choose your birthday either. But in 2020, there will be an amendment to this tradition. My fellow Capricorns and I have decided to turn our backs on January and celebrate our birthdays in the Fall instead of the midst of winter.

The reason for our rebellion? Execrable weather conditions!
For the third year in a row, it rained cats and dogs on my birthday. This had a dampening effect on some people who regretfully declined to attend my little bacchanal. No need to apologize compañeros, I understand. Driving for an hour under a torrential rain can deter the most determined party animal.

Still, some brave souls defied a ferocious rain storm and showed up bearing Gold, Frankincense, Myrrh and other holy (mainly liquid) offerings.
I am touched and enormously grateful, even though in the heat of the moment I could not properly express my deeply felt gratitude to each of you. But what counts is not the offering but the symbolic gesture of friendship.

My fellow Capricorns (Jacques Gautier and Jean-Claude Bunand) both came with 2 Galettes des Rois each, the size of the moon. Thank you, fellow goats. Others brought anti-dementia liquors and sweets.
Let’s not forget that this little get-together was to honor my all my horned fellow Capricorns (Minette, Gautier, Jean-Claude B.) and little old me, regardless of  gender (including transgender), age, sexual orientation, or beliefs.
Am I safe from any lawsuit?

Each guest, of course, came with a birthday card and I particularly liked the one chosen by Brigitte Moran. It says: “Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill.”
Tonnerre de Brest ! This woman has the uncanny ability to read my mind. Well, watch out whippersnappers, I am coming after you.

Noel and Rosalie brought me a boule pick up magnet, made in Taiwan. The front of the package clearly states “Ramasse-boule”, with an inspired English translation saying “bowl pick-up”.
Close but no cigar. I appreciate the gift but I am not going to pick up anything but “boules” with this device.
Thank you just the same guys!

After emerging from my drunken stupor this morning, I also discovered a very nice scarf. Will the bearer of this gift please identify him/herself?  I want to smother you with wet kisses and bear hugs.

I would be remiss if I didn’t express my appreciation for my roommate Tamara. Without her help and hard work, this celebration would not have been possible. Luckily her birthday is in the Fall and we won’t have to face the wrath of Taranis when her celebration comes around.

One more time, thank you all magnificent kindred spirits for your active participation. You deserve to be in my inner circle (regarded as elitist and secretive).

TTFN (ta ta for now)

 

Alain

PS: I have just a few iPhone pictures

The holidays… Thanksgiving, Christmas, New year… and the Epiphany, (January 6) which happens to be the day I was born.
My friends like to celebrate that date by sharing a Galette des Rois, a flat cake made of two layers of puff pastry cradling a mixture of almond paste. It is pretty tasty.

I am humbled and flattered by the fact that, without knowing me personally, many people around the world have taken to honor me. But I look at this like St Patrick’s Day… many non-Irish people observe that day and I don’t see why we should object to that tradition.

I don’t know what started this cult. This phenomenon might have arisen when I first performed a few minor miracles. No big deal. Just a run of the mill stuff. But people are easily impressed. You win a little popularity contest at the ballot box and they think that you are born from Zeus’s thigh.

Nevertheless, a little moved by this veneration I recently checked my horoscope and this is what I found out. I quote:

“People often feel confident around you because they detect that you project an inner calm that is so reassuring. People believe that whatever advice you give is the right one.”

I never personally said this. A famous soothsayer wrote it and my modesty prevents me from making a big deal of this. But I have been told that this person is dependable and can clearly foresee the future…

So, feel free to party this weekend and mention my name as much as you wish. My ears might ring a little but I am accustomed to this. This is the (minor) price that you have to pay for being quasi-divine.

By the way, January 6 is also the birthday of Lyudmila Aleksandrovna Putina, (born 6 January 1958), the former wife of Vladimir Putin. She calls me once in a while to gossip.
I understand that even though they are divorced, Vladimir (Vovochka) still pays his respect and sends her a nice bouquet every year. Just like Lyudmila, on that day, I as well get some flowers from my disciples.

By sheer coincidence,

January 6, is also the day when some bearded men stopped in a manger to stare at a newborn baby called Jesus.

Alain

Warning: Anyone (regardless of his/her age) who stops laughing is one step closer to the Big Leap

The most consequential decision that you will ever make is choosing a career path. The problem is that you have to decide early (in your teens) without really knowing what you want, or what you are capable of.

So most of the people simply coast through college and then go begging for a job. Definitively the wrong way to go about it. Don’t plead for a job… create one.

Many of today’s tech tycoons quit college to pursue their dream. To name just a few: Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Ellison, Travis Kalanick, etc. They all quit college to start their own business.

If you are not technically minded, no worries… Just reinvent yourself. Like a snake, leave your old skin behind and reappear under a new persona.

There are traditional jobs and then there are unorthodox occupations. Since there is too much competition for traditional jobs, it is better to keep away from those and create your own. Something that nobody (or few) ever heard of. The more mysterious, the better.

In our society, people are always looking for something new. So, provide what’s unfamiliar… and intriguing.

Henry Kaiser said, “Find a need and fill it.” Being a little more forward-thinking than Henry, I say “Find a craving and provide it.”

 Sex always sells, so becoming a tantric sex guru is a good idea. Tantra is about “physical and spiritual awareness.” In today’s world, there is a big market for that.
Charge big fees to reinforce the idea that you are unique and teaching something educational and valuable.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to know much about what you will be promoting. Your followers probably know even less. All you need is a silver tongue. No matter what, don’t be afraid to be outrageous, and fabricate with confidence.

You could start a Turning Dervish school. It is not widely known in the US and might interest a small but devoted following.

Starting a new religious movement also works very well. Many people need guidance and feel lost without a shepherd. Step in with confidence. Your followers will be eager to defer to you and open their purse strings for you anytime you ask. New jet? No problem. Keep young Joel Osteen as a shining light. He did very well for himself.

Storyteller. This is another good path to fame and fortune. Many parents are burdened and tied down by their children’s neediness. As a storyteller, your role is to free them by captivating the children with fantastic stories. Some hotels in London offer this service to parents who want to go out without taking their children with them.
As a good storyteller, you could even succeed in politics… And that’s where the Big Money is.

As you can see, there are plenty of opportunities for entrepreneurs out there.

But, and this is one the cardinal rules, whenever you succeed, you must give back. Don’t ever hoard money. Always share the wealth with your employees and charitable institutions.

If you don’t, you will anger the Gods (particularly Lyssa), and it is never a good idea to displease a lady.

Create and thrive!

Happy New Year to all… (except you know who).

Alain