Category: Fourre-tout

The holidays… Thanksgiving, Christmas, New year… and the Epiphany, (January 6) which happens to be the day I was born.
My friends like to celebrate that date by sharing a Galette des Rois, a flat cake made of two layers of puff pastry cradling a mixture of almond paste. It is pretty tasty.

I am humbled and flattered by the fact that, without knowing me personally, many people around the world have taken to honor me. But I look at this like St Patrick’s Day… many non-Irish people observe that day and I don’t see why we should object to that tradition.

I don’t know what started this cult. This phenomenon might have arisen when I first performed a few minor miracles. No big deal. Just a run of the mill stuff. But people are easily impressed. You win a little popularity contest at the ballot box and they think that you are born from Zeus’s thigh.

Nevertheless, a little moved by this veneration I recently checked my horoscope and this is what I found out. I quote:

“People often feel confident around you because they detect that you project an inner calm that is so reassuring. People believe that whatever advice you give is the right one.”

I never personally said this. A famous soothsayer wrote it and my modesty prevents me from making a big deal of this. But I have been told that this person is dependable and can clearly foresee the future…

So, feel free to party this weekend and mention my name as much as you wish. My ears might ring a little but I am accustomed to this. This is the (minor) price that you have to pay for being quasi-divine.

By the way, January 6 is also the birthday of Lyudmila Aleksandrovna Putina, (born 6 January 1958), the former wife of Vladimir Putin. She calls me once in a while to gossip.
I understand that even though they are divorced, Vladimir (Vovochka) still pays his respect and sends her a nice bouquet every year. Just like Lyudmila, on that day, I as well get some flowers from my disciples.

By sheer coincidence,

January 6, is also the day when some bearded men stopped in a manger to stare at a newborn baby called Jesus.

Alain

Warning: Anyone (regardless of his/her age) who stops laughing is one step closer to the Big Leap

The most consequential decision that you will ever make is choosing a career path. The problem is that you have to decide early (in your teens) without really knowing what you want, or what you are capable of.

So most of the people simply coast through college and then go begging for a job. Definitively the wrong way to go about it. Don’t plead for a job… create one.

Many of today’s tech tycoons quit college to pursue their dream. To name just a few: Michael Dell, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Ellison, Travis Kalanick, etc. They all quit college to start their own business.

If you are not technically minded, no worries… Just reinvent yourself. Like a snake, leave your old skin behind and reappear under a new persona.

There are traditional jobs and then there are unorthodox occupations. Since there is too much competition for traditional jobs, it is better to keep away from those and create your own. Something that nobody (or few) ever heard of. The more mysterious, the better.

In our society, people are always looking for something new. So, provide what’s unfamiliar… and intriguing.

Henry Kaiser said, “Find a need and fill it.” Being a little more forward-thinking than Henry, I say “Find a craving and provide it.”

 Sex always sells, so becoming a tantric sex guru is a good idea. Tantra is about “physical and spiritual awareness.” In today’s world, there is a big market for that.
Charge big fees to reinforce the idea that you are unique and teaching something educational and valuable.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to know much about what you will be promoting. Your followers probably know even less. All you need is a silver tongue. No matter what, don’t be afraid to be outrageous, and fabricate with confidence.

You could start a Turning Dervish school. It is not widely known in the US and might interest a small but devoted following.

Starting a new religious movement also works very well. Many people need guidance and feel lost without a shepherd. Step in with confidence. Your followers will be eager to defer to you and open their purse strings for you anytime you ask. New jet? No problem. Keep young Joel Osteen as a shining light. He did very well for himself.

Storyteller. This is another good path to fame and fortune. Many parents are burdened and tied down by their children’s neediness. As a storyteller, your role is to free them by captivating the children with fantastic stories. Some hotels in London offer this service to parents who want to go out without taking their children with them.
As a good storyteller, you could even succeed in politics… And that’s where the Big Money is.

As you can see, there are plenty of opportunities for entrepreneurs out there.

But, and this is one the cardinal rules, whenever you succeed, you must give back. Don’t ever hoard money. Always share the wealth with your employees and charitable institutions.

If you don’t, you will anger the Gods (particularly Lyssa), and it is never a good idea to displease a lady.

Create and thrive!

Happy New Year to all… (except you know who).

Alain

I don’t know if you are aware of it, but articles (such as a, an, and the) don’t exist in the Russian language. I think that they were banned and dispatched to Siberia during the 1917 Russian Revolution.

Seriously, there are no articles in Russian. It makes English a little more challenging for former Russian denizens. They often forget to use those pesky little things or they don’t know where to put them.

Am I a linguistic expert? Do I speak Russian fluently? Heavens No! But I am in daily contact with a Russian native who has a shaky relationship with articles.

Many people don’t realize the importance of those humble little things until they try to converse with a native Russian. It might sound funny in the beginning but it is fast becoming annoying.

A Russian wouldn’t say “Are you going to the park?”, he would say “Are you going to park?” which altogether means something totally different.

Some people think that when you don’t use articles, you might sound more forceful. For instance, “give me borscht” sounds much manlier than “could you please give me some borscht.” But manliness does not count when you try to convey a specific message.

I am not a grammar nitpicker (actually I am), but I always appreciate a clear unequivocal mistake-free document.

Due to a certain familiarity with Romance languages, I believe that most of them use articles. A Russian speaking inaccurate English is probably more difficult to understand than an Italian or a Spaniard because both of their languages use articles.

So, never underestimate the importance of articles. Without them, most of the European languages would be confusing, especially if you grew up in their midst.

I know that habits are very difficult to break. Personally, I still find it much easier to count or alphabetize in French rather than English. So, I do understand very well the difficulty to adapt.

This, by the way, is not to denigrate the Russian language; it can do equally well what any other language can accomplish. Don’t forget that the Russians (without the help of any bourgeois articles) put Sputnik in orbit before anybody else could.

And don’t forget:

“Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language.” Jackson Brown, Jr.

 Da svidaniya mujiki (until later peasants)

 Alain