Category: Fourre-tout

Yesterday I played with Mark and Sandra Shirkey and I was surprised by how much they have improved their game. Especially Sandra. She pointed with such exquisite precision that she set old-timers’ tongues wagging.

She was called “emmerdeuse” which in our perverse way of speaking is a high mark of esteem. Once you have been consecrated “emmerdeur” or “emmerdeuse” you are like “made men”, full members of the clan.

“Other common names for members include man of honor (Italian: uomo d’onore), man of respect (Italian: uomo di rispetto), one of us, friend of ours, good fella, and wiseguy.” 

Mark and Sandra joined our club about 3 years ago and they are both relative newcomers to the game, but through hard work and dedication, they have slowly risen to the top.

It is no surprise. They worked very hard at it. There is an American expression that says “Practice makes perfect” but I prefer by far its French equivalent which goes:

« C’est en forgeant qu’on devient forgeron. » (It is by working with hot iron that you become a blacksmith).

Isn’t it so much more poetic?

Mark and Sandra both remind me very much of esteemed Calvert and Henry whom I called a “dynamic duo”. I remember writing about them a few years ago in the same vein. When they joined our club in 2012, they were novices. But through plenty of practice and dedication, they became a power couple to be reckoned with.

Both couples mingled and practiced regularly with different clubs on different fields, and this gave them the experience and the confidence to compete with more experienced players.

As I often said, there is no substitute for hard work. If you want to excel, you have to put in the time. The more you practice the better you will be.

Mark and Sandra also recently traveled to Portland and I understand that they did pretty well. Unfortunately I don’t have the details of this soggy affair.

In their own quiet way, they have been instrumental in improving our field and reshaping our procedures. They also upped their game and helped to shine a new light on our club.

I earnestly tip my hat to this Dynamic Duo.

Alain

Did it ever occur to you that you could be more valuable deceased than alive? Well, it is often the case, especially since a dead bloke usually remains tight-lipped when asked embarrassing questions.

Regardless of your past, when you die, you instantly reach a state of grace known as “the free and unmerited favor of God”. All your missteps are edited out of your life story and the world is offered a clean version of yourself (especially if you leave some money behind).

Eulogies will be touching and heartfelt. Everybody will present a pleasant side (often unseen) of your personality, and after the funeral, you will reach a state close to sainthood.

Later, after a few drinks, tongues will loosen up and offer a more sober evaluation of your life. Friends will tell questionable stories about you that will anger some relatives and make others laugh.

“Some people start to live when they die” – Bangambiki Habyarimana

The same fate sometimes plagues artists. Painters or writers who starved during their lifetime are suddenly “discovered” by critics, minutes after the coffin is closed. They declare that such and such was an unappreciated genius and that his “croutes” (daubs) are now worth a fortune.

These dead artists then (despite their known shortcomings) become very fashionable and their work is suddenly very much in demand. Depending on where they are now resting, these artists will rage or laugh their heads off.

Some lucky people manage to enjoy their good fortune while still alive. But all giants have feet of clay, especially in our time. Any little crack can bring the whole edifice down. Even at the top of your form, you are vulnerable.

Your past makes you vulnerable because we all have done some questionable deeds in our youth. But a nobody is less susceptible to damage because he does not compete or threaten anybody. If he was suddenly exposed as a wife-beater, it would do him very little harm.

On the other hand, a celebrity is extremely vulnerable to gossip and will go to extremes to protect himself. Contract killings are not unusual and according to Hollywood, rather common…

When you are dead, you are absolved of all sins and cured of all diseases.
A sometimes-enviable situation…

 Alain

“If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it.” Woody Allen

“Stories constitute the single most powerful weapon in a leader’s arsenal.” –Dr. Howard Gardner, professor Harvard University

All leaders are storytellers. They have to tell good stories to convince incredulous neighbors to give them money and support them. Their appeal stems from the shrewdness of their speakers and their power of persuasion.

To be successful, a leader needs a good vehicle and a weak scapegoat. Scapegoats are more important than battle horses. A leader has to emphasize that what is happening to you is not your fault. Somebody else is responsible for your misery and these people need to be punished, banned or even killed. A good scapegoat is a dead scapegoat!

Christianism had a good run. After been persecuted for years, the church leaders managed to deflect popular vindictiveness towards the Jews. Then, like octopuses, they grabbed entire countries and kept them in their tight grip for a long time.
They had good stories about a mysterious figure called God and two retirement places called Hell and Paradise. It was very popular. Many people bought it.

Monarchs also did well with the “divine right” fairy tale. “It asserts that a monarch is subject to no earthly authority, deriving the right to rule directly from the will of God.”
I am your King because it is the will of God. You have to blindly obey me and pay taxes to subsidize my castles building hobby and entertain my mistresses. God said so!

Then communism… Everything you have belongs to everybody. We are all equals, but some of us are more equal than you. Comrades Lenin and Stalin said so. And it is unhealthy to contradict a great leader or his followers.

Antisemitism… Jews are responsible for all the calamities happening to good people. They are greedy and will take everything that you possess… including your AK-47. They are responsible for climate change and they are also conspiring with aliens for the invasion of earth and the enslavement of earthlings. You have been warned!

Islam… The tales of a Thousand and One Nights… women are inferior and need to be kept barefoot and pregnant. Don’t let them drive!  Do not trust anybody except your religious leaders. And some of them do not preach the true religion. Any deviationist, especially any Jew, deserves to be killed. God permits and condones it.

A dash of truth is the perfect seasoning for all these beautiful stories and make them palatable. There were some good Christians, some decent monarchs, some honest communists, some moderate (?) anti-Semites and some nonradical Muslims, but take every story with one… no, five… no, a thousand grains of salt.

“We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.”  Denis Diderot

 Alain