I have said it before, and I want to reiterate it, free is a four-letter word… never to be used in polite company.
This word has been so overused and exploited that whenever I hear it, particularly on television, I feel like a wolf howling at the moon.
“Free this, free that” — we’re drowning in a sea of freebies, or so it seems. Third World asylum seekers must feel like they’ve hit the jackpot the first time they watch TV in America. No down payment, no interest, nothing. It is free, it’s all free! This is probably why America is known as the Land of the Free.
If I had my way though, I would decree that on the first day of school, the teacher would have to solemnly declare “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!!!”
This sentence would have to be memorized and repeated like a catechism until all the children would truly grasp this basic principle of life on Earth.
Now seriously, why would anyone, especially total strangers, want to give you something gratis? It is utterly absurd! I’d rather pay full price for everything than succumb to the lure of the “free” myth. Any telemarketer who would dare to mention this foolish word on the phone should be hung up on immediately. “But it’s free,” they would stammer with disbelief. Yeah, and my girlfriend is Barbara Streisand!
I can’t recall who said, “There’s nothing more expensive than a woman who gives herself to you,” but here’s a man who’s been around the block a few times and knows the true value of free.
Never utter this four-letter word before me if you want to remain in my good graces. I’m violently allergic to utopian fantasies and might do something I might regret.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. For free.
Alain