(Initially drafted in October 2005)
I am a straight shooter. Ask me how to get from point A to point B and I’ll tell you, just like that. Thirty seconds and it’s done! But for some people, it seems to be an almost impossible task.
My mother used to be such a person. I sometimes called her QAD (Queen Of Digression). This propensity of hers could be amusing or highly annoying, depending on how much time you had on your hands.
– Mother, what was the name of Madame Charpentier’s dog?
– Madame Charpentier? You mean the butcher’s wife?
– Yes, the butcher’s wife.
– The butcher’s wife… she was an odd woman… Did you know that her father used to get drunk every Saturday night? He would carouse at the tavern with his good for nothing friends, and continue drinking at home after Le Chien qui Fume had closed… But what do you expect from a Socialist? Before the War, everybody in France was socialist and look where it took us…
– Mother, the dog’s name?
– What dog?
– Madame Charpentier’s…
– The butcher’s wife?
– Yes…
– In my book, the butcher is a good lad. Always polite and pleasant. Always calls you by your name… regularly enquires about your family… not like the butcher on rue de Bretagne… you know the red haired guy with a southern accent. He must be Corsican or something like that.
And Corsica is not worth the trouble it is giving us. They want independence? Give them independence and let them starve. Look at all these African countries… they are all independent now. And what did it get them? Wars, diseases, starvation…
– Mother, the dog’s name?
– Oh you are so impatient… I am getting to it. You young people are all alike. You want everything right away. When I was young, people were more polite and more patient. Do you know that in my days, before you could kiss a girl you had to show that you were an upstanding young man? Today, young people kiss on the first date and hop in bed before even knowing the name of…
– The name Mother, the name?
– What name?
– The name of Madame Charpentier’s dog?
– The name? Oh yes… You mean the black one?
– Yes
– I totally forgot… Sorry. But you seem to be in a hurry… Anything wrong?
– No Mother, everything is fine.
Ultimately
People who digress endlessly are not at the top of the list of my Bêtes Noires, but some days, when it’s hot and muggy, they come dangerously close to light the fuse of my righteous wrath.
Alain