Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets. -Neil Gaiman
? ????
When I said “bitch”, I didn’t mean a nice female pooch, but a malicious, spiteful, vindictive she-devil feline. She is a certified bitch, “an attractive female who is capable of manipulating men into getting her way” and I have the scars to prove it.
Attractive she is. No denying it. She is a stunner and that’s what originally drew me to her when I first spotted her in the animal shelter. So I took her home.
You would think that she would be grateful for that, but this is not the way of a bitch. Gratitude is definitely not one of her endearing quality.
She gets away with murder because she is pretty, very pretty… and she knows it.
But under a glamorous appearance, lurks a quick-tempered female who can switch from pleasant to aggressive in the blink of an eye.
One minute she kisses you, the next she bites you. I am starting to think that might be bi-polar.
A cat basically sleeps, eats and grooms, not necessarily in that order.
My cat likes to find a sunny spot to lounge, with preferably a daiquiri within reach. Like a Hollywood starlet she pretends to snooze, but her moving ears betray her. Through half-closed eyes, she is perfectly aware of what’s going on around her and appraises her admirers. Loser… loser… maybe… loser… dweeb… nerd…
No, no autographs today. Speak to my agent.
Once in a while though she wants to play. That’s when it becomes tricky, because with a bitch “You can play but you will not win.”
In her overwhelming desire to win, she reverts to her true personality. Doctor Jekyll disappears and mister Hyde enters the room. She will stop at nothing (bites and scratches) to be victorious.
To play with her, you better wear chain-mail gauntlets and a catcher’s facemask.
“Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility.” ~Stephen Baker
She is definitely not your idea of a “normal” cat. She does not like to be petted and does not purr. Purrs are for sissies.
She will cuddle but on her own terms. At night she might sneak on our bed and cuddle next to me. Not because she particularly likes me but more likely to appropriate my body heat… with formal interdiction to move anymore.
She is a bitch, but damn I would find it difficult to live without her.
And that’s the timeless problem with bitches. It is extremely hard, if not impossible to serve them with their walking papers.
You want to get rid of me buddy? It’s going to cost you big time.
You better get a good lawyer, and for your information Gloria Allred and PETA are ready to back me up.
How can you not love respect such a Machiavellian bitch?
Alain
? PS: Watch my latest photo album.
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Thank you ?