Diamonds are not a guy’s best friends

Let me start by saying that I have never been keen on TV commercials.
And in this holiday season I feel (like in the Battle of Britain) that we are literally bombarded into submission by an incessant barrage of commercials.
And not subtle commercials mind you, but loud and crude propositions.
I am neither deaf nor retarded. If you want to sell me something, speak softly and carry a big warranty.

So anyway, besides being sorely averse to commercials, there are some messages that I find particularly irksome.
One in particular makes me shake my head in disbelief.
It shows a guy getting down on his knees (often in front of a huge TV audience) and begging (bribing with a diamond) his girlfriend to marry him.
In these days of gender parity I find this absolutely insane.
It might look extremely romantic (and that’s what the diamond industry would like you to believe) but it is an absolutely demeaning and totally ridiculous gesture.

Let me remind you that a marriage is basically a merger. It is about two people who agree to join forces to start a new corporation.
I am not a business expert, but I am pretty sure that when two corporations consider merging, neither side does any begging.

Getting down on your knees anywhere anytime sets a very bad precedent.
If you start a relationship by begging, your prospective bride will quickly get the message and strive to perpetuate this trend.
Soon you will have to beg for food, for money, for sex.
No man in his right mind should ever start a relationship by begging.

Instead of genuflecting, come to the proposed merger equipped with shield and sword (don’t forget the dagger) to make your proposal in a position of strength.
Your prospective partner will get the message and you can start your relationship on equal footing.

And keep in mind that mergers seldom work as planned. In case of future disagreement, do not be in the position to have your mate remind you that it was YOU who BEGGED her to boss you around.

Beggars seldom get what they want. They most of the time get trampled on.
So I implore you my fellow men, come to your senses and stop this bad theatrical shtick.

When you propose, don’t under any circumstance get down on your knees.
Come instead accompanied by your (preferably Jewish) mother and a good lawyer.
They’ll insist on a smaller stone, some stock options and see that you get a better deal altogether.

Your devoted uncle Alain

 

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