In a recent article published in Time magazine, Jeffrey Kluger wrote:
“Small children, by their very nature, are moral monsters. They are greedy, demanding, violent, selfish, impulsive and utterly remorseless. They fight constantly with playmates and siblings but scream in pain and indignation if they are attacked in return. They expect to be adored but not disciplined, rewarded but never penalized, cared for and served by parents and family without caring or serving reciprocally.”
Toddlers are indeed selfish and demanding, but most of them outgrow this phase. Some (particularly in affluent families) never do.
They feel forever entitled without ever thinking of reciprocating a good turn.
Life is a trade, an ever-bartering flee-market. A world of “tit for tat”.
Good manners dictate that you acknowledge a favor and reciprocate it in a decent time interval. Even within a couple, favors should be acknowledged and responded in kind.
Failure to do so will generate unease, resentment and ultimately hostility.
Pampering children is no guaranty that they will later show appreciation for your devotion. On the contrary.
The more you indulge the little tykes and the more entitled they will feel.
Ungrateful children are not a new trend.
This state of affairs was already apparent to Honoré de Balzac, who in 1835 penned a novel titled Le Père Goriot (Old man Goriot).
In this story, Goriot sacrifices everything to endear himself to his two daughters (Delphine and Anastasie) who ultimately dispossess and forsake him.
“Before dying, Goriot rages about their disrespect toward him. His funeral is attended only by Rastignac, a servant named Christophe, and two paid mourners. Goriot’s daughters, rather than being present at the funeral, send their empty coaches, each bearing their families’ respective coat of arms.”
Selfishness or narcissism are not congenital conditions. Family and environment mold these characteristics.
Ultimately, if you yearn for a decent relationship with those around you, mind Confucius:
己所不欲，勿施於人。
“What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.”
Treat others just like you would like to be treated.
Alain