The art of the clean exit

Some people are hopelessly incapable of making a clean exit.
It sounds strange but I actually know individuals affected by this strange affliction. The “hard to part” disorder.

When they say, “I am leaving”, it doesn’t mean that they will decamp in the next few minutes. It indicates, that eventually, in the next 30 minutes or so, if the wind is blowing in the right direction… they might make themselves scarce.

I find this rather annoying. I am the type of person who is out the door right after exchanging a kiss or handshake. I don’t look back or linger. What is done is done. Changing anything after such a deliberate decision has been made is bad karma.

But some people find making a clean exit hard to do. They always need more time… to think, gather their wits, and set their compass before making this momentous decision.

I once knew a person who was the ultimate bad “leaver”. He started to say goodbye in the kitchen. He then stopped in the dining room for more talk. He paused at the front door for a few last thoughts… and he coerced you to follow him to his car for more schmoozing.

It was absolutely exhausting. I always tried to remain civil but the frozen smile on my face was becoming harder to maintain with each passing minute.

To me, a goodbye kiss or a handshake means that a deal has been made. The departing person is ethically bound to vanish within minutes. Not implementing this contract is bad form, especially since the host might have to pee or flush his bowels.

The old “I left my panties on the sofa“ won’t cut it with me. No excuses! Once we have smooched, you have to leave. It’s the rule!
Leaving is like a bungee jump. After you have made your decision, there is no turning back.

So, if you want to stay on my good side, once we have cuddled, or whatever we have done, don’t expect anything from me anymore. Make a clean exit! Get on your horse and get the hell out of here.
This is what goodbye between two rational people means.

Goodbye, my friend. Vaya con Dios…  Ciao… Auf wiedersehen…. and don’t you dare to look back or say another word!

Alain