Phone pandemic

Nobody acknowledges it, but there is a phone pandemic!
Everybody is frightened or at least irritated by the Coronavirus continued mess, so I won’t talk about it today.

Yet while the public is perturbed, life goes on… and it is tyrannized by the ubiquitous cell phone. The need to be kept informed is greater than ever and people literally sleep with their phones. They carry it everywhere and will be greatly alarmed if they misplace it. What’s more, they will interrupt any activity (including lovemaking) to answer a call.

The phone has become more prevalent than any of the religious amulets so dear to our grandparents. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that if (for reassurance) people were offered to choose between a cross necklace and a cell phone, they would unequivocally choose the phone to hang around their necks.

But people kids don’t make “simple” phone calls anymore. They want them to be more “personalized”… Voice is not enough; they want to see you, feast on your charms… so they take advantage of apps like FaceTime or WhatsApp. Fine and dandy, but this procedure can catch you off-guard.

A few days ago (while in the loo) I received an important WhatsApp call. Yes, as an international correspondent I carry my phone everywhere.
I was caught between Scylla and Charybdis. I could avoid answering… but it was an important matter. I could delay my bowel movements, but it was also of great consequence…

In today’s society, you need to be multitasking. As everybody knows, this is a prerequisite in any hiring interview. So, like a former girlfriend who was equally adept at humping while talking on the phone, I accepted the call.

While sitting on the toilet seat, face to face with my interlocutor, I just had to grin and bear. I was probably in the same situation as a couple interrupted while doing the nasty.

Unavoidably, we started to talk about the damn virus. Yes, the situation is dire, here and everywhere. Some people are scared out of their wits while some others are partying like there was no tomorrow… bla bla bla…

I didn’t want to sound rude, but I was anxious to end this powwow. I tried to take evasive action a few times, but to no avail. My predicament reminded me of the Battle of Britain movie where Spitfires and Messerschmitts were trying to shake each other off their tails.

After a few tense minutes, the call mercifully ended and I could resume my original activity. But in retrospect, I think that Apple could come up with a simple addition to its already complicated software.

When summoned by your phone, you could honorably escape an unwanted situation by pressing an icon labeled OTL (On The Loo). Something similar to 911… Your correspondent would understand and have the decency to reschedule his call.

Just a suggestion… Keep clean you all!

Alain

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