Slowpokes

I will be the first to admit it, I am not patient.
I don’t like to wait. It is a waste of time, and time is a luxury that should be better spent doing something preferably immoral.
I don’t like to wait especially when there are no obvious reasons for doing so.

Very often, the holdup is created by some pen pusher’s laziness or worse, incompetence, and nobody should be penalized for that.

My motto has always been: lead or get out of the way.

This is especially true on the freeway.
Nothing bugs me more than a slowpoke lollygagging at 60 miles per hour in the fast lane.
In Europe the aptly named “fast lane” is only for passing. You pass a car and you immediately swing to the right to clear the way. That’s common courtesy.
If you don’t, people will start flashing their headlights and honk relentlessly until you get out of the way.

In America, when the posted speed limit is 65 mph some people feel that as long as they are traveling at that speed, they are entitled to stay in that lane.
Yo, not so bitch! (I cannot help speaking like Jesse Pinkman).
If you are a certified slowpoke, you belong to the extreme right lane. And even there you could (and should) be tagged for impeding traffic.

On German Autobahns generally speaking there is no speed limit. The driver may drive as fast as he can as long as he is in full control of the vehicle.

I was once on such a freeway driving a rented car. Just for kicks, I decided to speed up to see how fast I would dare to go.
I was suddenly going around 90 mph in the fast lane and feeling pretty cocky about it.
I glanced at my rearview mirror (something that you should always do) and behind me I saw a car fast approaching. Judging by my own speed, this car must have been traveling at around 120 mph. It looked like a flying panzer ready to blast anything in its path.
I immediately swung to the right to clear the way for that homicidal maniac.

When driving on German freeways some people start feeling like Dr. Strangelove. Their right foot acquires a mind of its own and can barely be controlled.
They sometimes feel like shouting “Zu Befehl Mein Führer” when their right foot crushes the accelerator.

But I digress…

The best way to deal with slowpokes is to give them a taste of their own medicine.
Fight fire with fire.

If somebody ever made you wait unnecessarily, return the favor and the first chance you get, keep the miscreant twisting in the wind for a long time.
Procrastinate, delay, postpone, defer until he cries uncle and swear on a stack of pétanque bibles to never make you wait again.

If he persists being disrespectful, feel free to drop him/her from your BFF (Best Friend Forever) list without further ado.

“I should learn patience, it’s a shame there’s no time for that.”
Maija Haavisto, The Atlas Moth

Alain La Foudre